| ... |  |
listen:
this is exactly how i'm feeling at this instant. it's like i'm digging myself further and further into the deep end. when that last drop of forget-it-all from the glass empties, then what?
Where all these worries
wear down on me will rise,
Where all these habits
pull heavy at my heart will die...| just me and my bicycle | |
the road beneath me and music in my ears. ride.
+listening to: vegabond by wolfmother
| the answer | |
i want to just give up. i really do. fuck.
+listening to: the prayer/the answer by andy timmons
| ~ | |
dear mr tesla,
i revere your work and all that you have done in the field of power and electricity for the good of all mankind. and i'm proud to say that the fields related to those that you have set the ground rules for are some of the few remaining subjects in this world that still gives me great pleasure in learning.
your idea of the 3-phase balanced transmission system is indeed an ingenious one. one which i had spent hours analyzing and continue to be fascinated by.
however i have let you down on this grave day, on which i thought i had all the knowledge and expertise on that particular subject. quite apparently i was mistaken. because when i saw the problem in front of my eyes i thought i knew intrinsically how to attack it. but the more i tried, the worse i faltered. and before i had the time to figure it out. time ran out.
i have failed you miserably. i'm sorry.
yours sincerely,
gd4nutin
+listening to: nothing
| first five-eighth | |
just found out that the six nations are starting this weekend. it seems like a long time since i thought or wrote about rugby. i'd forgotten how much i loved the game. how much i missed it.
i've been trying to find a way out, out of this present predicament i'm in. and i've been constantly questioning myself if i had what it takes. and then i forgot all those valuable lessons that i had learned, in those memorable 2 years and those unforgettable 7 months.
and then i realized that this had all along been a familiar situation, except this time i'm on a one-man team. nevertheless the goal remains the same: set out to win every game out there even though there's absolutely no chance of winning.
i'm scared. i'm always scared. i guess it is my way of telling myself that something is still on my mind. the moment i stopped being scared would be the instant that i decide to let go. i forgot how i managed those fears. i forgot how i shut them out and just focused.
it doesn't make sense that i'm always losing. but i've since learned that there's no shame in losing. what would be a shame is losing without giving fear a run for its money. i am the first five-eighth of my team. have been and always will be. like the charge of the light brigade into the valley of death i will follow my lead. to face myself.
can you see me now? i am myself.
rugby is a beautiful game wouldn't you say? in so many ways it mirrors this curious life we're in.
+listening to: typical situation by dave matthews band
| thank you | |
the surprise at seeing her majesty's familiar portrait on the stamp again when i opened my mailbox was... hard to describe. it had a special meaning to me as a kid: it meant a letter from my dad. memories are a powerful thing. it was probably the best thing that happened to me all week, i really needed the boost. and i loved the picture, just thought you should know that i'm a sucker for black and white.
sometimes i feel protected and i don't know why.
maybe i do a little now?
thanks for the card. thank you. really.
+listening to: nothing
| 21 grams | |
a stack of 5 nickels. a hummingbird. the exact weight of the soul at the moment of death. how much do we lose and how much do we gain in that 21 grams.
you ever hear the story, of mr. faded glory? say he who rides the pony must some day fall. i was talkin' to my alter, says life is what you make it. and if you make it death, well rest your soul away.
+listening to: crown of thorns by pearl jam
| wasting time | |
"you were a disaster from the beginning..." he said.
i don't know what to say. i don't know what to feel. a bad taste in my mouth - of an overwhelming sense of defeat. the tears they fall like rain. i wish i was somewhere else. no one here understands or gives a shit. no one.
+listening to: granny by dave matthews band
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