| thank you |  |
really appreciate the sweet gesture. the birthday dinner was great. thank you.
don't get me wrong. i'm grateful. but i'm numb. so much sorrow, and unhappiness that kept pouring in. when would it stop? i'd hate to admit it but i'm depressed.
a week has gone by. i am still clueless. where do i belong?
+listening to: nothing
| the gaze | |
it's funny the way it is.
looking around me, people look at you and they see where you come from. that gaze, it's unmistakable.
the only thing important to me? it's where someone is going.
+listening to: wounded heart by bonnie raitt
| don't | |
i don't get upset all the time. but sometimes when i get made fun of, it triggers these flashes, of unpleasant memories that i had burried at the back of my head that i'd rather forget forever.
but i can't. it's scar tissue. i can't forget. so don't...
i don't understand why it is funny to make fun of people's nationality.
'chinaman' was term often used against the chinese and other asians as they encountered increased discrimination and injustice in the late 19th and early 20th centuries.
i am a chinaman. i am proud of it. so i really don't understand how is that supposed to be an insult?
and you wanna know why i don't like speaking chinese? i'll tell you why. i speak perfect chinese. i speak better chinese than most people who dare to call themselves "chinese". when i first got to singapore i spoke not a word of english. if people wanted to make fun of me they'd speak in english because i wouldn't understand a word they said. so i made sure i learnt it well, i learnt every single damn thing so i'd understand whatever they said.
so no, you're not worthy for me to speak in chinese to. that's why i don't speak chinese.
+listening to: grace is gone by dave matthews band
| letters from home | |
whenever i read dad's emails,
even though it's usually filled with words of concern and joyous greetings,
it makes me really sad.
i don't know why.
+listening to: i'll back you up by dave matthews band
| my apologies | |
dear reindeer,
i'm afraid i can't go see you tomorrow. there's 3 exams coming up next week.
hopefully i'll get to see you next year.
+listening to: nothing
| trying to keep a straight face in the shadows of tragedy | |
i listened intently to the lyrics of this particular song for the first time. and it really struck me. it speaks a lot of our collective lives in general.
Lying in the park on a beautiful day
Sunshine in the grass, and the children play
Siren’s passing, fire engine red
Someone’s house is burning down on a day like this
The evening comes and we’re hanging out
On the front step and a car rolls by with the windows rolled down
And that war song is playing, “why can’t we be friends?”
Someone is screaming and crying in the apartment upstairs
Funny the way it is, if you think about it
Somebody’s going hungry and someone else is eating out
Funny the way it is, not right or wrong
Somebody’s heart is broken and it becomes your favorite song
The way your mouth feels in your lovers kiss
Like a pretty bird on a breeze or water to a fish
A bomb blast brings a building crashing to the floor
You hear the laughter while the children play war
Funny the way it is, if you think about it
One kid walks 10 miles to school, another’s dropping out
Funny the way it is, not right or wrong
On a soldier’s last breath his baby’s being born
Standing on a bridge, watch the water passing under me
It must’ve been much harder when there was no bridge just water
Now the world is small, remember how it used to be
With mountains and oceans and winters and rivers and stars
Watch the sky, the jet planes, so far out of my reach
Is there someone up there looking down on me?
Boy chase a bird, so close but every time
He’ll never catch her, but he can’t stop trying
+listening to: funny the way it is by dave matthews band
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