the end of may days

may has always been the month of hope for me. i wonder who invented the call sign "mayday". a desperate cry for help - just clinging on to hope that a metal bird from the skies would come and whisk you away like a homesick angel.


things have been hectic lately. there have been the inevitable ups and downs, but i guess that's just part of life and i have to learn to deal with it. not everything will go as i envisioned them. that's where hope comes in, it's hope that makes me grateful about being alive and well each day, and that tomorrow will always be better.

sitting and talking after dinner at kenny rogers today, i realised how much i've missed those dear friends in school. even though it might have just been a couple of weeks since the last random outing, it felt like eons ago. will i ever get to make such good friends in college? i'm gonna miss them sorely. maybe i'll be back here to work? then i'll get to see them again. hopefully.

hopefully.


note to self:

• when feeling doubtful, hope.
• if you feel uncertain, hope.
• when feeling down and hopeless, still hope.
• if all else fails, hope, hope and keep hoping.
• some of the greatest people of our time have conquered millions with pure faith and hope.
  
• an ounce of hope can outweigh a pound of despair.
• it wouldn't hurt to have just that little sliver of hope.

+listening to: we live no more by black label society

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make knowledge not war

finally got everything ready (i hope) for the student visa application. it was really a huge sigh of relief because everything seemed so confusing. and the amount of paper work is staggering, with all sorts of preposterous forms and fees.

and so as i was finally able to enjoy some moments of self-satisfaction, i was also equally and utterly shocked while reading the story on how the united states withdrew 7 fullbright grants from gaza because israel refused to grant the students permission to leave.


i've always been neutral on the subject of the israeli-palestinian crisis. to me, the middle-east peace roadmap is about as significant/symbolic as me having an occasional constipation - in other words, i just don't give a shit. honestly, i put more thought into which finger i'd use to pick my nostrails.

but today something stirred inside me. the actions of the israeli government not only seem extremely discriminatory, but it's also truly a step backwards in building a more cordial relationship with palestine. and you wonder why the roadmap never seem to point to anywhere, maybe it's because one of the parties responsible for drawing it up is really a cock and has no sense of direction at all?

the claim on the israeli's part is that that education has no relations to humanitarian concerns in gaza and hence it would be pose too much of a risk to the israeli soldiers. too much of a risk for what? that the soldiers would inadvertently soil themselves upon letting 7 students out of gaza? or that letting 7 students past the checkpoint would make them seem a bit weak and homosexual?

it's quite pointless to continue the argument knowing there's nothing anyone can do to change the israelis' mind, because obviously the israeli government has got its head stuck so far up its ass that it would be akin to telling a cow to milk itself - wishful thinking. peace is an ideal, and education can help to inculcate and spread that ideal to the masses and nurture people who cherish that ideal. so apparently it's not peace that the israelis want?

now you know why people often express their frustration towards certain irrational individuals with the phrase "(someone) is being so jewish". in the case of the israeli government, i can't help but snicker at the irony of the double whammy there. classic.


+listening to: jesus just left chicago by gov't mule

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of effigies and soulshines

beautifully broken that i was, i ceased to breathe for a second. it's eight o'clock. nothing; noone. the last gasp of the cold, stiff morning air was exhaled, it was a sigh of desperation.

i felt disappointed and helpless, again. the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind is just a myth after all. the rainbow after the storm is merely ephemeral; nothing lasts forever. somehow things always go up and then unexpectantly crash down and hit you right where it hurts.

i felt like i didn't matter. nothing matters huh?

show, no show; tell, don't tell. what does it matter now?

it is one of the greatest philosophers of our time, aristotle, who once said "we are what we repeatedly do. excellence, therefore, is not an act, but a habit."

i couldn't agree more.

winners are what they are because they have the winning attitude. while we on the other hand tend to repeatedly do what losers do - having a losing attitude.

i get it: common sense seem to dictate that "why do something when you know you will fail?"

the answer for me had always been clear-cut and straight-forward: because i deeply love what i do and i believe, with absolute conviction, in myself and those around me. and also that someday the impossible will ultimately become possible, if - IF, we just had an ounce of faith in our collective selves.

the effigies, it's better than being promises.
the soulshines, you're better than sunshines.
keep being what you are. you keep me going.


+listening to: beautifully broken by gov't mule

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end of season

Image via Wikipediagrrrh... i was waiting and waiting and it never came.

i just realised that last week's episode of house was the season finale for season 4. DOH! no wonder it had such a weird twist to it. i should have guessed that it was too dramatic to be shoved in the middle of a season. now there's gonna be an agonizing 3 month's wait for september to come.

and coincidentally, grey's anatomy also ended with a 2 hour finale last week, which evolved into a somewhat semi-sweet ending, though i see more tragic outcomes ahead in season 5. and that's not due until september too i think.

right now there's gonna be another tv void to fill. i can't live without it! while digging around, i've picked out a few things that will hopefully keep me occupied. one of them is called mad men, which i've never heard of, but apparently it is so good that it won a golden globe for best tv series. but then again, looking at past year winners such as the x-files, i'm not exactly reassured. and i will also pick up family guy again. haven't been up to date with it. damn i miss it so much, but the busy schedule has made me too lazy to seek it out, and also partially because there's an evil monkey in my closet driving me nuts.


+listening to: chet's ramble by tommy emmanuel

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new outlook!

i'm dead stoned, but it was so infinitely fun that i'd do it over and over and over again. i haven't woken up at 6.30 in the morning for a while now, needed a huge kick in the ass just to haul myself out of bed, not to mention resisting the dying urge to pulverize my alarm clock.


it's the first full-day holiday session and it went great! other than a bit of a delay coz i insisted the boys have a longer warm-up, everything else went just according to plan. though a few inevitably dozed off during the video session. and the unforeseen shitty weather in the afternoon reduced us to playing touch in the heavy rain. to hell with the lightning alert.

what i thought was gonna be a difficult thing was actually quite effortless to be honest and i can really see myself enjoying this one. it just takes a bit more thinking to come up with more creative drills i guess that don't necessarily strangle everyone and still achieve the intended objective.

now i feel like a real coach. previously there was just too much frustration in me that i was screaming my head off half the time. today was just as intense but everyone seemed more energetic somehow. i guess it's because of the holidays, and everyone's fresh in the morning. school really does suck all the life out of you.


+listening to: when i first kissed you by extreme

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days go by

days go by so quickly recently. went to town to check out the great singapore sale that's apparently on, didn't see anything that i fancied.

and the strange thing is even though it's the school holidays, i don't really see any changes in the demographics at orchard. school age people are almost non-existent. well i didn't really have anything in mind anyways, other than looking at all the juicy t-shirts and telling myself no more buying of t-shirts.

had my first taste of the gangbang season at ntu in the evening too, well strictly speaking nothing happened, it was just some old school football game. but the thing is for some reason we raped those students. it used to be we'd win some and lose some but we didn't lose a single game this time. and given the fact that most of us haven't played jack in like months, it was pretty awesome. but personally i'm completely unfit now, and with no touch at all. god i feel awfully fat and slow.

and i also had an interesting chat with carol about college freshmen year. she was so awesome and calmed all my nerves. it was really great knowing someone who's been there and done that. i'd better go dig up some more dirt regarding which professors' classes are easier to score so i don't tank my GPA in the first semester.

and one interesting tip she mentioned was hilarious: she reminded me have a proper system of communication with my room-mate so i don't end up getting sexed out from my own room and having to spend the night outside. it just cracked me up, but then again it's like so ubiquitous in the US that people treat it like an everyday thing.

dang, i'm pumped up quite a bit.


+listening to: fly me to the moon by frank sinatra

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exploitation

sometimes i wonder if my goodwill and efforts are being exploited by other profiteering individuals. sometimes i have this gut feeling that i'm being used, but it's only a feeling.

it's like in this picture, as seen on a van in the car park downstairs:

"specializing in foreign labour:
meagre wages,
slave-ish working hours"

+listening to: going down by g3

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stelly, you're my idol

this post is dedicated to stelly-bombelly. she's the bomb when it comes to ASS-KICKING parties. so out of the blue we got invited to her place, again, for the... erm i can't remember how many times actually.

but tonight was the epitome of you-cannot-possibly-top-this. besides the seriously jaws to the floor catered food and bbq, the drinks... oh my, just thinking about the drinks is enough to make me wet myself. there was of course the free flow of punch, which everyone cordially helped themselves to.


and then, there was the evil watering hole, where the wicked gathered to quench their insatiable thirst. there was every type of liquor imaginable for your insane pleasures (okay maybe not every type but still enough to melt your face off), and of course being the polite guest that i was, how could i refuse such an offer.

life's good. really good. the beer flowed freely like water down a stream. jack changed his name to john daniel's because he was so sick of seeing me going back round after round for him. and at least for tonight, the world is triangular to me: there's me, jack/john and mr. beer (unfortunately i didn't get a chance to be acquainted with him because he always came already poured in a plastic cup).

thanks stelly, you're my idol.


+listening to: i'm too drunk to listen to anything

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money: the root of all evil? apparently not

i used to like my banks. they keep my money safe, provide facilities and ready access to my funds when i need it, diligently send me monthly reports of my splurging habits, and even reward me every year with a few dollars to say gee, thanks for letting us take care of your money.

that was until i had to actually deal with the evil wizards who're behind that behemoth realm, them blood sucking incubuses. you see firstly there's the principle that says absolute power corrupts absolutely. we all know too well that money is a necessary evil, and the immense power it wields. so, when you willingly surrender your money to another party, what you're doing is essentially handing over control of your life to someone else.

and when they have your money, your actions are all at the whim and fancy of those evil wizards. you have to fit your schedule according to their preposterous working hours. who the hell closes shop at 3pm in the afternoon? even the laziest of aussies stick to their silly closing time of 5 in the afternoon before heading down to the beach to stick some shrimps on the barbie, or the local pub for a pint and start a bar brawl.


and then they make you wait. and when finally your turn comes, they tell you to wait some more. and when you're all fed up and ready to make a scene or wet yourself, whichever comes first, they politely tell you that they're ready to serve you as if they've been expecting you all along. no offence to the tellers, but deep down inside, i honestly think that it would really make my day if i could punch their faces in.

and that isn't even any where near the end of your endless frustration. all i wanted was a proof of finances and i had the letter of authorization from my dad. i even brought along a sample that they issued me a few months ago. i'd thought it was a case of brainless labor for the absurd fee they're charging me. if it had been anything else i would have screamed bloody extortion.

for all the trouble i went through, and beyond all possible logic, the teller told me they couldn't do it because... the date on the letter of authorization was not recent enough and i would need to get another one with a more recent date couriered to me from my dad. my hypothalamus almost shat itself because it didn't know what emotions to process. should i cry, laugh or appear enraged? it's like that time when your school discipline master caught you and your friends secretly laughing at his good looks and gave you corrective service for a shirt tail that stuck out at the back. there's not a feeling that could describe it but a tad retarded actually.

so, to my favourite bank: here's my favourite finger as a token of appreciation



+listening to: ain't life grand by slash's snakepit

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sweet relief from constipation?

Image via Wikipediaan ad on the rear of a bus caught my eye - there's a bottle, with the brand name printed across it (which i cannot recall), and then there was the tacky tagline: sweet relief from constipation.

if i wasn't half asleep, i would have laughed out loud. and then everyone around me would undoubtedly shoot me that dirty look as if i'm some nutjob. how ironic, that i believe those people around me on the bus ought to be the target audience for that ludicrous advertisement.

i'm not being biased here, but the truth is people who choose to take the bus during morning rush hours do look a little erm... congested, and it goes without saying that for those who are without a seat, it's perhaps a case of chronic constipation.

so i can't help but ask: sweet relief from what? the constipation or the agony associated with the act of passing motion? both are equally revolting in my opinion.

ah what the hell, i'm going bonkers.


+listening to: forty mile town by eric johnson

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sunny wednesday

finally a sunny wednesday, albeit a little bit too much at that.

so for the umpteenth time this past few month, i set off to the canadian high commission. this time round though i didn't head back to raffles place mrt afterwards, instead i headed to clarke quay.

i was pleasantly surprised that there was actually a pretty big mall at the mrt station called the central. i've always thought it was a commercial building with a few coffee places on the first floor. so i headed in to look for a place to fill my stomach before i headed to my much dreaded tuition session on wednesdays.

the inside of the place is actually pretty nice. there were these really cool looking stools for people to sit on and you can see the singapore river from the atrium!

and i finally decided on burger king because everything else was either unappealing or way too out of my league. there were tonnes of restaurants in that place though. but i guess on weekdays it isn't really THE place to hang out and the lunch crowd was virtually non-existent. there were a total of 3 people in burger king including me even though it was already 12 noon. i guess this has to be the least crowded burger king in the whole of singapore.

and then on my way to the mrt i was this really cool looking bulldog pup inside a shop. it looked so freaking real that it actually got me there for a moment.


and then i was looking at the pay phones in the mrt station and i just suddenly thought of the non-discriminatory urinals in a public toilet - the different height for people of all shapes and sizes. i dunno if they did it on purpose but it sure looks pretty comical.

i also happened to see a samoa rugby union polo, so erm i had to have it. my pocket is still hurting with that gaping hole. but at least i spent the money knowing that part of the proceeds will go towards developing the future of samoa rugby. the pacific isles are seriously burgeoning with talent but it's such a tragedy that rugby has to take a backseat over there because lots of people are still struggling for basic survival. seriously, if the isles teamed up and formed an "all-star" team, they would certainly make a lot of people sit up and take notice.

fiji alone ranks 9th in the world, just imagine what an incredible team it would make with players from the likes of tonga and samoa as well. when will the islanders realize that it's just not feasible for them to stand up against all the giants in international rugby individually. financially and socially it's just too much of a burden, and it would do everyone wonders if they just had one team under the name of the pacific isles. that could also see the introduction of perhaps another team from asia in future world cups. oh well, things are the way they are...


+listening to: american man by velvet revolver

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my handwriting says it all

Image via Wikipediafirst off i'd like to assure myself and the entire rugby universe that i'm better than francois steyn at a lot of things, especially drop kicks. he looks amateurish in my presence, even though he is taller, bigger heavier. that's also where the crucial differences lie: he's stupid and ham-fisted while i on the other hand am intelligent and nimble.

i'm sure a lot of you are extremely puzzled by now, so allow me to cut the crap: today, i scored a drop kick from 53, 54 meters out. it's been a while. HOO-YA! (for those of you undiscerning rugby dunno-hows, that's more than halfway. and if you don't know what a drop kick is, close your eyes and repeat after me: heavenly father, i call upon your salvation. i am sofa king we tarded. amen/allah/mazel tov.)

ok onto my main point. now i usually don't participate in all the blogger gibberish quizzes and sorts. but then recently i saw something pretty interesting and decided to just try it out for the fun of it, and it turned out to be pretty accurate, mostly. but i'm sure a lot of it is just generalized comments that would probably fit the bill for the majority of the general public. so here it is:

Li uses judgment to make decisions. He is ruled by his head, not his heart. He is a cool, collected person who is usually unexpressive emotionally. Some may see him as unemotional. He does have emotions but has no need to express them. He is withdrawn into himself and enjoys being alone.

The circumstances when Li does express emotions include: extreme anger, extreme passion, and tremendous stress. If someone gets him mad enough to tell him off, he will not be sorry about it later. He puts a mark in his mind when someone angers him. He keeps track of these marks and when he hits that last mark he will let them know they have gone too far. He is ruled somewhat by self-interest. All his conclusions are made without outside emotional influence. He is very level-headed and will remain calm in an emergency situation. In a situation where other people might get hysterical, he has poise.

Li will work more efficiently if given space and time to be alone. He would rather not be surrounded by people constantly. In a relationship, he will show his love by the things he does rather than by the things he says. Saying "I love you" is not a needed routine because he feels his mate should already know. The only exception to this is if he has logically concluded that it is best for his mate to hear him express his love verbally.

Li is not subject to emotional appeals. If someone is selling a product to him, they will need to present only the facts. They should present them from a standpoint of his sound judgment. He will not be taken in by an emotional story about someone else. He will meet emergencies without getting hysterical and he will always ask "Is this best for me?"

People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Li doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.

Li will demand respect and will expect others to treat him with honor and dignity. Li believes in his ideas and will expect other people to also respect them. He has a lot of pride.

Li is not facing something going on in his life today. He is deceiving himself about it. Often, Li's opinion of himself is different than those around him. This trait gives Li the ability to deny anything that does not agree with his "truth." This trait is not always something negative. It is only a defense mechanism allowing Li not to face some reality in his life at this time.

In reference to Li's mental abilities, he has a very investigating and creating mind. He investigates projects rapidly because he is curious about many things. He gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but he soon must slow down and look at all the angles. He probably gets too many things going at once. When Li slows down, then he becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, he must slow down to do it. He then decides what projects he has time to finish. Thus he finishes at a slower pace than when he started the project.

He has the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. His mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. He can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. Li can then switch into his low gear. When he is in the slower mode, he can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. He is more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip.

Li is a practical person whose goals are planned, practical, and down to earth. This is typical of people with normal healthy self-esteem. He needs to visualize the end of a project before he starts. he finds joy in anticipation and planning. Notice that I said he plans everything he is going to do, that doesn't necessarily mean things go as planned. Li basically feels good about himself. He has a positive self-esteem which contributes to his success. He feels he has the ability to achieve anything he sets his mind to. However, he sets his goals using practicality-- not too "out of reach". He has enough self-confidence to leave a bad situation, yet, he will not take great risks, as they relate to his goals. A good esteem is one key to a happy life. Although there is room for improvement in the confidence catagery, his self-perception is better than average.

Li is sarcastic. This is a defense mechanism designed to protect his ego when he feels hurt. He pokes people harder than he gets poked. These sarcastic remarks can be very funny. They can also be harsh, bitter, and caustic at the same time.

Something is incomplete in Li's life. He feels frustration relating to his physical needs and desires. Somewhere in his life there is some disappointment, non-fulfillment, and interruption. This is very likely to relate to Li's sexual needs.

Li has a healthy imagination and displays a fair amount of trust. He lets new people into his circle of friends. He uses his imagination to understand new ideas, things, and people.

you can try it out at http://handwritingwizard.com/analysis.php

+listening to: afro blue by the derek trucks band

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forms

i'm sick and tired of filling out forms. there are like a million of them. thinking about all the stuff i need to do in the next couple of weeks also makes me sick: seeing a doctor to get my vaccine shots, taking new passport photos, going to the bank for financial statements, going to the canadian high comission, going to the american embassy, working out a schedule to fit in both a mini vacation on the west coast and going to school, booking flights, booking hotel, booking long-haul bus service, booking summer consultation dates, doing tutorials, studying for placement exams, etc. etc. i really need an uber hot personal assistant.


+listening to: man of the hour by pearl jam

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what is it with them TV people?

it puzzles me: why in the name of the almighty, are the TV people being such anal probes during such a crucial period of my personal development, when i have all the time in the world to enjoy something that only old people and professional couch potatoes get to enjoy.

first there was the 100 day strike by the writers' guild. yeah okay, fair enough, i can understand why they're doing it, they want their names in bigger fonts when the credits roll at the end of the show. the industry paid around $2 billion for that, when someone at the drawing desk could have just flipped a switch to make 'em bigger. well it's the americans, taking the easy way out is simply too "cheap" for them.


and that really tested my patience quite a bit, living without house and grey's anatomy among other great shows for almost 3 months. it's akin to not being able to open your christmas present until christmas when it's sitting right there staring at you. quite a method for torture.

and today i saw probably one of the most brilliant episodes of grey's anatomy, and last week's house was also unbelievably hilarious (i can't wait till monday). now just when i thought everything is finally falling into place, i hear about the F.A.G.s possibly going on strike too. to be fair they're actually the S.A.G. (or screen actors guild), but were famously dubbed the "film actors guild" (hence F.A.G.) in team america world police.

i just cannot stomach this blasphemy anymore. it's like they're trying to take away what little luxury i have left in my life. if they were to go on strike, i think i will just give up on life altogether and go be a monk or something. who needs tv when you're a monk?

jesi! (that's plural for jesus) can't we have some good ol' fashioned tv without all the poppycock?


+listening to: let the computer decide by paul gilbert

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of earthquakes and schools

Image via Wikipediafunny how a commentator (can't remember from where) said that in an earthquake, he'd probably be safer with a bunch of nuclear warheads in some military building than in a school.

sad isn't it? the fact that it's almost seemed as a no-brainer that a military installation has to be built to be unusually sturdy while it's acceptable for a school to go down like a deck of cards under the slightest tremor, and that we value stuff that have the potential to kill millions over people that have the potential to shape our future.

the earthquake in china did not just expose a localised problem. i believe it has highlighted a worldwide pandemic of a social disease, that "we'll fix it when it's broken". but the thing is, we're not talking about something that you can just chuck some dollars in and then expect everything to get back to normal.

of course there have been efforts in earthquake prone countries like japan to make the schools safer, but for the rest of the impoverished countries in asia, what then? i think countries are sending out the wrong message that they care nothing for the keystones of communities. and it seems like the problem not only exists in poor countries. even developed countries like canada and america are facing similar situations. in their case, it's rather not an issue with money or technology, but with societal inertia, the lack of access to basic safety information or knowledge of simple ways to bolster buildings so they'll survive an earthquake.

i have no idea why i feel so strongly about this. it's just that i can't get the images of children being crushed to death in school buildings out of my head. it's just really sad, and it's so so aggravating that something totally avoidable caused so much grief.


to those who perished: R. I. P.


+listening to: waiting on the world to change by john mayer

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lost touch

my dream of becoming francois steyn has been decimated. my drop kicking abilities have gone backwards. i can't get the sweet spot anymore, and i'm slicing kicks horribly. but still got the legs to hit it from the halfway mark though, even though it's a bit off. argh... i'm a little peeved.

nevermind me though. today i felt... fruitful.

when i arrived at training early at 3.40, the boys were already doing their warm-ups. not 1 or 2, there must have been 7 or 8 of them. they were already doing some passes and kicking around. considering there are a total of probably 12 people, things have finally started to change.

i'm starting to see some light now. their passes have improved, some of the tackles are awesome, and some are even showing some skill and speed. is the one man crusade finally working? no it's not a one man crusade anymore. somehow maybe they understood, somewhere along, some of them might have just fallen in love with it.

i'm starting to see some hunger, to become better, to get it right. and all these despite my caustic persona on the pitch. i have to admit, once i step onto the pitch i can turn into a nasty f*cker and i definitely do NOT have the best temper around, i can't help it.

they might have even started to enjoy it. i'm certainly enjoying it even though i think i appear to be screaming my head off all the time. the truth is, i've never felt more alive, and i have never been more motivated, or more into it. i want to help them go where they've never even dreamed of going before, and if any group of individuals were going to do it, it ought to be them. but time is so short. another month and a half and i'll be probably be gone, what then. damn i hate to think about it...


+listening to: beep test by cameron caine

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wednesday

it's wednesday again. why?

the perfect week somehow always seems to be ruined by a shitty wednesday. it's as if wednesday for me is destined for misery. and it never fails to amaze me why some of the worst storms i've ever seen occurs on wednesdays - the only day of the week that i have to travel afar. today, again, is such a day. worse still, wednesday also means tutoring my least favourite student.

so i was all wet by the time i got to the mrt station, even though my house is only about 200 meters from the station. and it didn't really help that there was a huge wet spot on the front of my pants. even i thought i wet myself.


then there was the dreadful journey to this ludicrous estate on the other side of singapore, where it is rather inaccessible by public transport to a poor lad like me. because, frankly, everyone there is so lazy they seem to do everything with their fancy cars. even things like going down the driveway to pickup the mail. well, maybe it's because they've all got such obscene mansions that their mailboxes is like 10 miles away from their doors.

and you'll know when you're there because they've got every store imaginable just for their own little estate, but things are that little bit fancier there. the water from their taps are apparently not water, i think they call it elixir of life over there. the air they breathe is enriched with platinum dust, health benefits unknown. they seem to have cold storage stores like us regular joes, but upon close inspection, the sign says "cold storage SPECIALTY", and you're only allowed inside if you have a net worth exceeding a trillion dollars. even the shopping trolley's are bigger in size, and plated in solid gold. and you'd think people would try and steal it, oh no you're wrong, they can't even be bothered. why steal some lousy shopping cart plated in gold when your entire possession is plated in pure platinum, including the family pets and kids. now that's what i call taking the moral high ground.

and before i go absolutely insane, i must say that certain people are such gentlemen, whom i have much respect for. like alex and andreas' (my students) dad. so after an agonizing hour with alex repeating the same stuff we've done over the past few weeks. he doesn't remember a thing, neither did he do his homework, as usual. it feels like i'd be better off tutoring a rock.

and then finally when the agony is over and i look forward to tutoring andreas, who's a complete opposite of his brother, i was told he was on a school trip. but their dad generously remunerated me in full even though i didn't tutor andreas and he insisted that i take it even when i declined. i'm genuinely surprised by it.

argh... off to watch some more nonsensical dr. house. i need a serious pick-me-up. drowning myself in a bathtub of tequila would be heavenly, or some magical pill that could make wednesdays go away...


+listening to: night prowler by ac/dc

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a day of mourning, remember may 12

the shockwaves came,
no one knew.
excited, the kids screamed,
damned if they thought it was cool.
how could they have known,
of the creature beneath.
with malice it came,
but who do we blame.

only when the walls fell,
bricks, more bricks, they knew.
frantic, panic,
water in your eyes, hearing more acute.
the exit, where's the exit,
too late.
the walls, the walls,
where are they.

nothing, void, the abyss,
mommy, where are you.
is anyone out there,
somebody help please.
the smell of death,
premonition of doom.
kids, hang in there,
just a little while longer.

they're coming my dear.
they're coming.





if you'd like to make a donation to the victims of the earthquake:
please visit redcross.org.cn OR text 1 or 2 to (+86) 1069999301, text messages are 1 or 2 rmb respectively.


+listening to: hymn to the fallen by john williams

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victory is sweet

today was a big day, well for 2 schools anyways. but i've always enjoyed a great rugby match any day. so it goes, the A division final between saints and asci.

this year is kind of special though, for the first time ever (i think) it's held at the padang. it's really AWESOME to see a match at padang. if you've never witnessed a rugby match at padang, i suggest you put it down as one of the things to do before you er... you know, expire. well in singapore anyways.



the atmosphere was absolutely electrifying with supporters surrounding all four sides of the field, so i had to settle for the steps of the city hall building, but the view was splendid nonetheless. there was certainly no shortage of drama as a couple of conversions evaded the net behind the goal post designed to catch them and landed the road. one of them unfortunately hit a car. it was great fun to watch, well i guess not so fun for the driver of the car to see a flying projectile coming at him.

anyways as expected asci won. oh well... it was still a great spectacle to witness.

on another note i just saw a great, great movie today entitled The Diving Bell and the Butterfly.


i sort of just watched it out of curiosity because i thought the title was kind of peculiar and i inferred that it's got something to do with diving or something. oh how wrong i was.

first off it's a french film, which totally caught me by surprise (happily surprised; i have a penchant for tasty foreign films). i must say it was one of the most refreshing films i have ever seen, the cinematography, the way the stories were told. it's just so... peaceful and gives you this strange, ambivalent sensation between existence and nothingness.

i would have preferred the ending to be a happy one though, but i can understand why the ending had to be tragic, as it serves as a closure for the protagonist in the film. a happy ending would have made everything seem a bit... cheesy. if you want to see a movie told in a unique way that you've probably never seen before, or have a knack for movies that make your mind run amuck because all your thoughts somehow all seem to be going berserk at once, you simply HAVE TO see it. it might just change your life. no, seriously.


+listening to: crying by aerosmith

» Read the Full Post of " victory is sweet "...

oh cock!

woke up in the morning to the sound of my stomach growling, hence the oh cock.

reason: dinner at seoul garden last night with a diet of pure protein mixed with peach tea and a tad of the absolutely nonsensical stuff they call ice-cream over there.

it was the annual rugby dinner, well actually it was the annual rugby bbq that somehow turned into dinner at seoul garden because i think people were too lazy to cook their own food. and this year's timing kinda sucked, apparently lots of people are out with their moms having dinner. i was wondering why there was a sudden surge in the showing of filial piety, and then i was told it was mother's day weekend.

hmm, so that's why i saw lots of buddha feet on the ground on my way to dinner. i guess it's the one day in the year that people get to make good with their moms and ask for forgiveness for all the sins committed in the past year and hopefully buy them some mercy for the year ahead and the many more sins to come.


anyways other than waiting 2 hours for dinner because of some screwed up dinner reservation, it was all lots of fun catching up with the guys, and just pig out. and then the new leadership was forged and the rest became history. it's really been a great great night, and i hope it's also the beginning of something truly inspiring. and to quote guinness: ... for we are but seconds from greatness. cheers!

+listening to: life by the drop by stevie ray vaughan and double trouble

» Read the Full Post of " oh cock! "...

all we need

sometimes all we actually need is for someone to ask: are you okay?

it is sort of a platitude, a hackneyed remark, and a cliche. besides the fact that no one really tells the truth when asked the question, the answers we blurt out in most cases are rather startlingly similar: yea, yes, yep, no worries, i'm alright.

what we're really saying is: NO. I'M NOT OKAY.

we seem to resent that question a lot. some people even expressedly announce their desire not to be asked that exact question, which in other words often translates to leave me alone. but i think what we truly resent is the fact that most of us are not being asked that question often enough.

some of us prefer to shut things in instead of let it out. some of us are damaged and in urgent need of repair. and in an attempt to preserve our image, we often want to appear "normal", "tough" to the outside world purely in the name of vanity. funny why they call it vanity, maybe it's because a lot of us do much of those superficial things in vain.

sometimes those of us who appear the strongest are actually the most vulnerable. sometimes the most caring of us are the ones most in need of some comforting. sometimes the most destructive of us are actually the most damaged inside...


+listening to: red house by jimi hendrix

» Read the Full Post of " all we need "...

when you head says one thing and your body does another

Image via Wikipediai am in pain.

my knee hurts, relatively badly. my elbow hurts too and i can't think of any reason why it should. and i think my right eye is infected, it's red now. probably because i got hit in the eye by a ball the other day. and the cough that i thought was gone, has recurred.

mentally i'm slightly exhausted too, partially from sensory overload in a short period of time (yesterday), partially from too little sleep or too much brain inactivity. when i sit there and do nothing, i like to dream, and think, about anything and everything. maybe i think too much. but it's one of those things that i really enjoy doing.

i woke up at 6 in the morning feeling like i'm falling a part. then i just sat in the dark and listened to music, hoping that the sun wouldn't come up. i wanted to do something constructive, but i just couldn't bring my self to it. i need some comforting, or for someone to tell me to snap out of it and get on with my life.

so i dream on, while my body continues to hurt like a bitch.


+listening to: ted the mechanic by deep purple

» Read the Full Post of " when you head says one thing and your body does another "...

wow

wow what a day. seems like my prayers have all been answered all at once. all the shit seem to be behind me.

woke up feeling something is amiss. i looked around and realised it was only 8 oclock. haven't seen the clock point at anything before 9 for a while. and then i realised that my cough is gone. what's left is only a little sore throat. it feels so good not to feel like you're gonna die any minute.

then there was the usual wednesday afternoon affair. alex didn't complete his homework as usual, but somehow this time he actually tried to do like half of it. i was genuinely surprised. and he paid his full attention the whole time. andreas was his usual well-behaved self with homework all done up for me to check, which leads me to wonder how can 2 brothers from the same family be so different.

the highlight of the day was definitely attending my godma's masters graduation ceremony. but before that i had to kill about an hour at PS waiting for my godbro to finish school before we go to the ceremony, and also contemplating whether to buy a t-shirt, which ended up with me recalling that i'm broke at the moment.

so the ceremony was really an eye opener. i saw an indian-american professor whose speech was so hilarious that he'd put russell peters to shame. and then my godma introduced me to her best friend/colleague who's a true blue (no pun intended) french lady but speaks a few languages fluently, among them CHINESE. i swear she speaks better chinese than i do and i was seriously floored, and ashamed of myself. and she's married to a chinese guy who's probably 10 years younger than her. what an interesting mix.

i haven't been this happy for a while, especially talking cock with my godbro. imagine sitting in a room full of "ang mohs" and you can simply make fun of them and say just about anything without giving a damn (we were speaking chinese of course).

i wish i could feel this good everyday...


+listening to: yellow ledbetter by pearl jam

» Read the Full Post of " wow "...

walk the line

she said to me over the phone she wanted to see other people
i thought... well then look around, they're everywhere
she said that she was confused
i thought... darling, join the club

the fine lines we walk in our lives, between having and not having, living and dying, between caring and not caring, moral and immoral. seems like those lines are blurring, fast... nothing is so clear cut as before anymore.

honour, discipline, integrity, passion, and that desire to just go that extra inch no matter what it takes. where art thou?

i want to effect change. i want to make a difference. but thou cannot change by not changing. the one man crusade with me leading the calvary charge seems hopeless. so what? i have my honour, discipline, integrity, passion and that inner desire to fall back on. i think that when it comes to the crunch, many can go that extra mile. but i KNOW that when it comes to the crunch, i can go two.

i'm all tangled up, but i know i can't give up. i feel the weight i carry on my shoulders. i want the change, and i'll do what it takes. hoping, believing. it's all on me now, so bring it on...


+listening to: bonus track by pearl jam

» Read the Full Post of " walk the line "...

another week

it's monday again. time sure passes fast.

a round up of the weekend basically consisted of a decent lunch at carl's jr and watching iron man. carl's is getting shittier by the month (but at least i was so full that i didn't really eat much of dinner) and the movie wasn't exactly as satisfying as i was expecting. first of all i thought it was going to be better, guess i had my hopes up a little bit too much, but overall it was okay. and then i also felt kind of bad for ditching certain parties whom i promised to watch it with. so... erm sorry, i didn't really have much of a choice.

so i went to watch the A division rugby semis today. ooh it felt exhilarating. haven't watched a proper rugby match for ages. probably since last year's final.

the saints and acjc match was quite evenly matched and was honestly pretty exciting. there was drama right from the beginning till the very end and all the spectators were kept on their toes. that's the kind of match i like. didn't really catch the other match between asci and rj, there wasn't the same kind of atmosphere, and my right knee is also kind of hollering at me since the end of the first game. how i wish i didn't screw it up. i think the final would be a little bit of a one-sided affair, but then again you never know what happens when a sizable chunk of silverware is at the stake. can't wait for next monday.

today i was also informed of the consequence of the training mishap last week. what i thought was just a harmless shoulder sprain for one of the guys has turned into a broken collar bone. damn just when things are going good, something bad has to pop up. why can't i ever have lady luck on my side. pffft...


+listening to: money by pink floyd

» Read the Full Post of " another week "...

soothing

awesome news! youtube is down. i don't mean to be a saddist but i can't really stand 90% of the stuff that people put up on youtube. since its outtage about an hour ago, i think the global online community has enjoyed its few precious moments of "silence".


i'm sure there are some very grateful parents out there who pray really hard before they go to bed every night that something like this will happen, so there you go, an answered prayer (finally). mind you it doesn't happen that often. last time something like this happened was in 2006 if i remember correctly. so do make it a point to note down the schedule in your diaries/planners so you can pray/make your sacrificial offerings accordingly. no gurantees though.

today was... soothing. had lunch with a few old mates of mine. it just feels so liberating to be able to say anything, ANYTHING without having to worry about being rude /overbearing /a*hole /insensitive /loud /coarse /ungentlemanly or whatever man. i needed this a long time ago. it's like back in the days in high school. i thank god pat myself on the back everyday that i went to an all guys high school. i dunno what kind of an oppressed being i might have ended up otherwise. you just have to let it all out, freely and without giving a damn about what other people think.

revitalized, peaceful, now all i need is incessant wealth. next time it rains, let it be money please.



edit: youtube is up again at around 10:15pm... the chaos continues, so should your prayers...


+listening to: primal cuts by steve morse band

» Read the Full Post of " soothing "...

so yesterday...

So yesterday was labour day, or more commonly known world wide as may day. according to wikipedia:

In many countries, May Day is synonymous with International Workers' Day, or Labour Day, which celebrates the social and economic achievements of the labor movement. As a day of celebration the holiday has ancient origins, and it can relate to many customs that have survived into modern times. Many of these customs are due to May Day being a cross-quarter day, meaning that it falls approximately halfway between an equinox and a solstice...

but according to my calculations, it's just another normal, uneventful day. and i'm pretty sure the same goes for a lot of people.

don't get me wrong here, i'm not questioning the importance of this holiday, because as we know it anything that gets you off from working/studying mid-week is considered by many as a godsend.

just imagine, if thursday is a holiday, maybe you can slightly push the envelope and prolong the gratification for just a little while longer by maybe arriving at work half and hour late the next day, or even do away with another day of dreadful school completely by reporting sick.

as a result, the moment you arrive at work, your ritualistic countdown to a weekend of plastered-to-the-wall drinking starts at 7 hours and 30 minutes instead of the mundane, uninspiring 8 hour mark. how cool is that? think about it, but not too hard, what wonders that could do to your mental wellbeing!

so what are you waiting for? it's already friday. time awaits no man who can't hold his liquor for shit. immortality (well until you wake up again, whenever that may be) awaits... tonight!



+listening to: slow dancing in a burning room by john mayer trio

» Read the Full Post of " so yesterday... "...