it's the last day of the year, at least here in uncle sam country. before i leave for boston tonight on this auspicious occasion, i thought it's about time that i do some reflections. about everything that went on for me personally, about things that went my way, things that didn't.
on graduation:
i still vividly remember the first day of this wonderful 2008, it was spent at the starbucks at raffles city mall. waiting to catch the first train home, sitting with a bunch of really great high school friends, talking about what a blast jc has been.
it's possibly some of the most bitter-sweet memories in my life, those two years. there were things that i'm disappointed about, but then again there are some things that i'm immensely proud of. and i didn't think that graduation would come so soon, everyone parts ways and carry on to live their own lives. some friendships may have drifted apart, people may have matured, but i'm sure that we each have that little peace of heaven that no one can take away.
graduation left a void that nothing else can fill. i tried to keep myself occupied with tv, movies, and other random things, but it just doesn't feel the same as when you're sitting at the class bench copying econs and math homework simultaneously or just fooling around in the fish tank.
on rugby:
honestly, i think 2008 has been one of the most fulfilling years of my life so far. and to think that it doesn't involve any academics or monetary gains makes it that much sweeter.
a decision was made (against my parents wishes) roughly in january that i would stay on in singapore until after the coming rugby season. i said that i had school stuff and whatnot to take care of, but the truth was i can't let go of rugby, seeing some of my team-mates struggle.
all i ever wanted was to help out in any way i can. making up the numbers during training, helping to organize the plays, or just passing on the tiniest of details that hopefully would translate to better performance on the pitch.
then after the season came the transitional period, one which i vividly remember, when i was put in a similar situation. the aimlessness, the absence of a coach, the lack of motivation. and that's when i inevitably took on the role of the "coach". i wanted to give the boys some hope, that there's still something to fight for, and that it's not just about them, but about those to come, the next batch, and the batch after that.
there were both amazing days where everything clicked and those forgettable ones where i really lost it and dished out the nastiest things i could conjure up. it's not in my nature to be harsh, but there are some things that ought to be done.
i think i've had some impact one way or another on the boys, that's all i ever hoped for. that as long as there's still an ounce of hope, there's something worth fighting for. and deep down i am really really happy that i decided to do this, because it's one of those life experiences that you would only understand if you went through it.
on life in the US of A:
life in the land of the free, home of the brave. two words - culture shock. i thought it wouldn't be that different. i've seen enough movies and tv shows to understand the bulk of the cultural inuendos that probably would surprise some.
it's just that, the stuff you see on tv, which you took with a pinch of salt, turns out to be exactly the way it's described. that's when you realize, it is the truth, the absolute truth with no additives.
even though champaign is the average small town america, it's at least partially the reflection about society at large. the social economic problems that this country is facing is immense, and it might have to take more than one man like obama to fix.
but i'm glad that i witnessed at the very least the willingness to change, in electing the first african american president of the united states. it says a lot about the people as a whole, that there might just be hope after all.
to sum this incredible year up, i think it's more than appropriete to call it the year of hope. so many hopeful things happened to me and all around me. and as i step into 2009, i would continue to always hope for the best. goodbye 2008 and hello 2009.
+listening to: why georgia by john mayer
Wednesday, December 31
| On 2008 |  |
Friday, December 26
| life after insanity | |
finally some peace and quite after the insanity of the holidays. in the process of dragging my ass around, i have had my right shoe drenched in ice cold water no less than twice. just plain bad luck i guess.
the snow in wisconsin is insane. in places where the snow isn't shoveled, it's literally waste deep. trying to get onto the sidewalk after getting out of the car has become sort of a luck thing - you're lucky if someone has decided to create an opening in that wall ice and slush by the side of the road.
the season of giving, that's what christmas is all about. seeing little kids' eyes light up when they get up earlier than usual on christmas day just to open their presents is priceless. whoever came up with the idea of toys is a genius. what would the world have become without kids and their toys? santa would have been unemployed, and the elves would have been sitting around bored all day.
life after insanity of this whole year. maybe i've lived my life the right way, maybe not. it's time for a new year resolution.
+listening to: vultures by john mayer
Monday, December 22
| christmas is here | |
first off lemme start off with a weather update:
that's not an optical illusion by the way. my ass is POSITIVELY frozen to the core. and yet i still had to brave the elements, going outside to hunt for food and whatnot. to give you an idea of how cold it is, if you were outside now and not wearing gloves, you'll not be able to feel your fingers in approximately 2 seconds. yep.
ok so christmas is around the corner and school ended last friday, and dorms also closed on saturday, so now i'm crashing at terence's place. it sucks being the 2nd last person to leave chambana, but oh well there's jayce to make me feel slightly better, who'll be the last one.
i went to chitown today. for no reason. i bought a roundtrip grey hound ticket to chicago last night on impulse and promptly hopped on a bus at 7 this morning. needless to say it was absolutely dead by the time i got to illinois terminal to board the bus.
i don't know why i did what i did, i guess it's the yearning to be on the road. i love being on the road, just driving along the highway, being able to look far far away at the absolutely endless midwest plains. it makes me feel so peaceful inside, i think it's those times that make me really realise how vast the world that we live in is.
and in case i haven't made it clear before, i absolutely adore chicago. it's one of my favourite places to go to. it's just got such a metropolitan feel to it, all the architecture, the river, the people. and when you're in the alleys, in the shadows of those gargantuan mega structures, you get that gush of wind rushing past you, reminding you of the rich history of this town.
if i'd thought that chicago looked amazing in the summer, i haven't seen the big picture. winter is when chicago really shines. there aren't as many people on the streets, but just enough to still make it feel like a big city, and you get the salvation army at every street corner playing christmas music or carolling, or tolling their bells. you can literally feel christmas in the air. and then there's snow everywhere, and lots of sidewalks are not shovelled, so you sort of have to "wade" in snow that's about 3 inches deep.
and they make a frozen pond into an ice rink in millenium park!!!
so onto winter itinerary:
1st stop: milwaukee, wisconsin
2nd stop: boston, massachusetts
3rd stop: miami, florida!
i can't wait for wednesday when i leave chambana, yay!
+listening to: the wicker man by iron maiden
Thursday, December 18
Monday, December 15
Friday, December 12
| Friday | |
Writing on my iPod at the library now... This week has been tough with
a mid term on Monday and then the ECE110 final today and it doesn't
get much better next week either with three finals.
And adding on to that I had my final design challenge on Monday too,
which didn't get off to a good start until the final try out of the
five. Thankfully it did a perfect run, and what a sigh of relief for
me...
It's math that I'm worried about again, it's been that archilles' heel
of mine. But I know that it will become an indespensable tool in my
life in the not-so-far-away future. I might even need to work on it
over the winter break too. Getting credit is one thing but truly
understanding it is totally another matter.
Friday night, not so many people as on weekdays and it's time for me
to get some work done. It's all gonna be over soon enough, the pain,
the pain...
Monday, December 8
| a mind full of questions | |
time vaporizes. it's already nearing finals time, i am tired as usual, and i live at the library full-time now - i'm officially a "grainger ranger".
life's been... different lately. i've been far more detached from the reality. no idea what's going on around me. and my meager existence has a vocabulary of exactly 4 words: eat, sleep, class, study.
so in one of those few moments of aimlessness, i decided to have a chat with a few of the rugby boys. i forgot how long it's been since i last talked to them. i've been so out of touch with rugby and everything that has been going on.
i would have never imagined that i still held so much emotions for that little patch of green now that i'm a million miles away on the other side of the world. the images of those beaten to the ground crash pads, those endless mornings are still as vivid as yesterday.
i'm glad that for some of them that desire is still going strong, the passion still fervent. and for others it's hard to gauge, there's that hint of fatigue setting in, the edge seems to have been taken off just a wee bit. that subtle uncertainty about the future, about everything.
i saw it coming, with the coachless situation. i knew that it was going to be the archilles' heel of this bunch. i tried to put some sort of safeguard in, but i knew it wouldn't really be effective. i don't know why i'm still as surprised as i am. my heart still skipped a beat, something still stirred.
it's a struggle, it's always been a struggle and always will be. it's even harder when you're not even an adult. you're not expected to go through this shit. the path was supposed to be pointed out for you. laid in front of your eyes for you to tread comfortably. but sometimes, it just happens to be the way it is. we are a special bunch of people who all chose to walk this path.
keep the faith, that's what i always say and always do, because you never know what awaits you even when you think you know the flow of things. it's still a verdictless life, things will change for the better in the end, they always do.
+listening to: guaranteed by eddie vedder
