the passage of days.
losing time and losing self.
repentance beckons.
a nightmare to remember - 5:25 ~ 9:02
+listening to: how deep is your love by red hot chili peppers
Tuesday, June 30
Monday, June 29
| wth |  |
the barbee doesn't smell too good when it's the smell of your own flesh burning. urgh. just came back from the hospital from having a small tumor removed from my thumb. now i'm just waiting for my thumb to fall off from the pain. it's gonna happen any minute now.
i never knew how important the thumb is. after this morning, i've been reduced to eating my dim sum with a spoon like a 5 year old because erm i don't have the ability to operate the chopsticks properly. and it's a thoroughly frustrating and embarrassing experience when you spend 10 minutes at the urinal trying to button your jeans because people give you that dirty look as though you're playing with yourself. but i refuse to give in to the temptation of zippers, for real men wear button-fly jeans. zippers are for 5 year olds. see the irony?
i guess i'll just have to live without it for a couple of weeks until the gaping hole in my thumb gets closed up. which means another 2 trips to the hospital this week to check on the progress. ah how i loathe hospitals: the nurse who applied the anesthesia told me it was going to hurt a little. so i thought, 'nah it's probably just a sting'. so she preceded to stick a giant needle in my thumb. up till this point i was still smiling, and that was until SHE EFFING PUSHED THE WHOLE EFFING NEEDLE INTO MY THUMB D: THE WHOLE THING! i could swear my thumb was falling off at that instant.
and the smell of burning flesh under a lazer. not pleasant at all. kinda smells like the stuff dentists use. meh. glad the ordeal is over. now off to fight that bitch of an infection that's just waiting to take my thumb away from me any one of these days now.
+listening to: nothing
Saturday, June 27
| oh gawd... | |
NOW IN MY SHORT EXPERIENCE WITH ALCOHOL SO FAR,
YOU COULD SAY I'VE HAD A FEW RUN-IN'S WITH THAT BEAST CALLED
HANGOVER
NOW IMAGINE HAVING A HANGOVER
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE AFTERNOON
OMG i'm typing in caps. holy craps. apologies.
yea so. yea. hangover, middle of the afternoon.
never mix fruits and grains. i've learnt the hard way.
NEVER!
tmr morning pls come quick. arghhhhh...
Friday, June 26
| the king has left the building | |
seems like the theme of the week has been sorrow, death is merely the overture.
as i woke up this morning and went through the daily routine of opening up my browser, i was met with waves of
well-wishing statuses on the facebook news feed. and there i was, slightly in shock over what had happened overnight: the king has passed.
one of the greatest (if not the greatest) entertainers of our time to ever grace the stages, some of his performances are still fresh in my mind. personally, there's so much memory associated with his music and his stage antics, because i've loved his style and been a fan of his since i could remember. mom would say i used to go hyper and dance to the music whenever michael jackson came on tv. i guess that was his effect on me.
imagine, if the world had never heard beat it, billie jean, don't stop till you get enough? now imagine, if the world had never seen the moon walk? the musical landscapes of today would not have been where we are today. countless artistes of our generation have acknowledged him as their biggest inspiration. he was, after all, the king.
yet you might wonder, how come his music is so rarely covered? imitation, they say, is the highest form of flattery isn't it? well, the reason isn't immediately obvious: michael jackson, like james brown and prince, are nearly uncoverable. the tunes were about his innate talent and can't really be replicated. in essense, it's not that people didn't want to cover him. they couldn't. and that, in my book, is the hallmark of greatness.
at least he'll be remembered for all the right reasons, and his music will live on forever.
rest in peace MJ, the king, always.
+listening to: black or white by michael jackson
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Thursday, June 25
Tuesday, June 23
| wrong place at the wrong time | |
image of the day:
 |
you know it's a rugby game when stadium security takes down pitch trespassers rugby-style.
dream theater's new album came out today: could not get my grubby meat hooks on one because erm wrong country.
transformers 2 is coming out tomorrow: not planning to watch it because it will be in chinese. again wrong country.
pfffttt...
+listening to: sweet home alabama by lynard skynard
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Monday, June 22
| how to win an election | |
probably one of the funniest tweets i've seen in a while: iranian media: guardian council says more votes cast than eligible voters in 50 cities, but denies it affected outcome.
i must have sat in my seat laughing about it for a long time, because when i finally got myself together, i had completely forgotten what i was laughing about.
we should all take a moment to applaud the ingenuity of the elected regime. who would have thought that if you could put all of the world's leaders in the same room, that the smartest guy in the room would be mahmoud ahmadinejad? what he'd done is actually quite simple really, at the same time quite revolutionary. it takes a man of his caliber to have been able to come up with something that amazing, just like how isaac newton invented gravity, and how thomas edison invented light. without whom we might still all be in floating around uncontrollably in the dark.
what's his secret to success? many people might ask. i think it comes down to what most folks call a "winning formula": you promise the people an election to put the kibosh on any general negative sentiments towards you, then lecture the public on how just and fair the election was going to be, proceed to install a bunch of crooks who can't do math worth bananas in the electorial council, sit back and relax. seriously, it is that simple.
a lot of the current world leaders must be watching with a keen eye at the moment, many of whom are probably learning a trick or two from ahmadinejad himself and taking notes as we speak in preparation for their re-elections. then there are the facist and dictators out there (read: north korea, cambodia, somalia, etc.) who might be tempted to inject some much needed excitement into their mundane and boring political systems. can you imagine how much fun it would be if they could be seen by the world not as dictatorships but democracies, while being able to manipulate the outcome of elections at will? quite. and then there are the losers, who must be kicking themselves right now because they wouldn't have ended up the way they were had ahmadinjad shared his secrets to success with the world sooner.
in all seriousness, could a man named mir hossein moussavi have won the election? i don't think so. and even if moussavi had won the election, could the people really expect change? again, i don't think so. let's just take a moment and check out some of his accolades: ex-prime minister, check. defended taking of US hostages in 1979, check. supports controversial nuclear programme, check. regularly executed dissidents and backed the fatwa, check. and the list only gets longer.
sound pretty much identical to ahmadinejad, doesn't it? maybe the people have forgotten about moussavi's hardline, ball-busting approaches because really nobody knows where he had been or what he had done in a long time. after all, he had all but disappeared completely from the radar of public scrutiny for over 20 years.
and the ultimate irony? moussavi is a child of the revolution that the current system was founded upon. he was never a real reformer, either, when he was prime minister. and now he's being faced with the question: should he unleash the young people out onto the streets who supported him - thus threatening the very system that he fought for?
whatever the case, only iran can get itself out of the mess it is in. we can't really do much save look upon the tragedy that is unfolding all over the country, at the loss of innocent lives to the thuggery of government troops and militias alike. what we can do now is hope, and pray that such atrocities may end as soon as possible such that people's lives may regain some normalcy.
and to those who have perished, may you rest in peace.
+listening to: grave digger by dave matthews band
Sunday, June 21
| fathers | |
life has a funny way of reminding me of the things that are important. as my playlist shuffled for the umpteenth time, the song "daughter" came up again.
as it turned out today's fathers day, as i was hastily given a wake-up call by a friend while chatting online in the wee hours of the morning. it's a touchy subject for me, because i was never close to my father, well maybe when i was a little kid. as i was growing up my dad often had to travel, and there was a period of maybe 6 years that he worked in hong kong and i would only get to see him twice a year.
i guess "daddy wasn't there" would be somewhat appropriate here. i don't really know what went on in my still malleable young mind when i was growing up, but i remember feeling resentful, not angry, but resentful. and then there was that hint of disappointment, that dad couldn't really make it to the occasions that really mattered to me: seemingly insignificant award ceremonies, when i learnt to ride a bike, etc. i would cry myself to sleep sometimes because all the other dads were there to cheer their sons on. and i'd only get to talk to my dad on the phone to tell him what i'd done.
maybe the crucial "bonding years" had been lost. then when i finally got to see my dad a lot, i found that we didn't have much to say to each other anymore, because our worlds are completely isolated from each other. he went on and about his work, and i delved into music, sports. i even tried to avoid doing the things that my dad liked. i was afraid that we might have to be in the same place at the same time.
but looking back at these years, it's starting to seem a little silly. i guess i never completely got over those resentful emotions that i kept welled up when i was a kid. it wasn't really daddy's fault. but mending a relationship wouldn't be overnight's work either. it would take time, and a miracle.
i never used to believe in miracles. everything was so absolute. it is either there or it isn't. everything was in perfectly distinguishable black and white. there were no shades of grey. but i think i've changed. i've met some people, made some good friends. and my perceptions have altered.
one of my favourite sequence/scene from a movie is from this one called "elizabeth town". it was about a road trip, that was supposed to have taken place between a father and son. the road trip did eventually take place, but it was a little late albeit being a beautiful experience. the same friend who had initially brought to my attention the fact that today was father's day had also urged me to take on a similar road trip with my own dad. i didn't really give it any serious thought at the time, but today i've had some moments when i reflected upon what he'd said. and i think he might be right. i might just do it after all.
so here's one to all the fathers out there. you make us proud.
+listening to: daughter by pearl jam
Friday, June 19
| firewall | |
awesome. i can't access blogger again.
i want to avoid sounding really daft and dark, but i'm not really a fan of pretense either. so bear with the emo-ness of this post. it reflects what really goes on inside. as it is, verbatim.
the excitement of going home has really worn off at break-neck speed this time. and when i woke up from the slumber of my afternoon nap, everything just felt so dull. i've lost my appetite too, which isn't really what i'd call a pleasing sign. this time is just different. there's no trace of that novelty, everything was just the way they were when i left them a year ago. i am starting to miss everyone and everything already. maybe i shouldn't have gone, then it wouldn't have hurt as much.
a song that i love says that it "makes much more sense to live in the present tense". i know it makes perfect sense, but the murmur of the heart is hard to ignore. i'm starting to question the decisions i had made in my life so far, are they the right things to do? what would have been different? maybe i'm just running away from the problems. i've always been running away from problems. redigesting past regrets, have i the belief that the path ahead ascends into the light?
this isn't supposed to happen. everything should stay the way they are, forever. i hate change. i used to be happy a year ago. i don't understand. i check my facebook every two seconds to see if someone has written something on my wall, i've been staring at the screen of my computer for hours hoping someone would come talk to me on msn.
nothing.
have i any idea how would this life end?
Thursday, June 18
| leaving | |
once again i'm sitting here all alone in my room typing the last words before i leave singapore. i did pretty much the same thing no less than a year ago.
this short month had been utterly enjoyable for me. everyone around me had been utmost accommodating and i couldn't really ask for anything more.
so here it is, thank you and good bye. hopefully i'll see you sooner than later.
+listening to: nothing
Tuesday, June 16
| mind in a mess | |
i took the last bus home from boon lay interchange and ended up oversleeping. just spent 45 minutes walking home and finally got back at 1.15am. why are things so screwed up.
when i got home there was a letter waiting for me. my failure to conform to required standards had resulted in serious consequences for next semester. it's all down to the TGPA (technical gpa) argh... i guess i really screwed up the ECE classes last semester. this is a failure of epic proportions and it's nobody's fault but mine. this holiday shall be devoted to turning my life around, because i refuse to give up.
hence begins a new journey and another challenge to overcome. suddenly my purposeless holiday had a jolt of life injected into it. there's something to work towards again. all i ask is that you look upon me with the same gaze as before, or maybe include me in your prayers no matter your faith, if you like.
i believe that the greatest failure is when you fall down and you stay down. and there's no way i'm staying down.
Monday, June 15
Friday, June 12
| lost | |
i'm finally back on track with lost season 5. been watching it almost non stop. but that's a story for another day.
today was the last training session, for real. i guess rugby for me here in singapore has come to a halt. this is the end. everything has come full circle.
it's hard for me to put the kind of feeling into words now. it's hard to swallow the fact that this might be the last time that i'll ever set foot into hwa chong, onto the familiar pitch, where countless hours are spent perfecting that place kick, savoring every moment that i ever had to just have a run on the wide open space, or just day dreaming under the setting sun that one day we might just get a chance to play here.
i know this place... every inch of turf, every pot hole. the familiar scent, the change of winds. the temptation of the goal posts, the jubilation of a successful drop goal. breathlessness, unquenchable thirst. every drop of sweat and blood, that gratifying spring in your steps. it's a magical place, it's my theater of dreams.
i feel a little lost, but assured at the same time that some good will come out of it. it's been like this and it will always be like this. we've all shared the same experience: that leap of faith, writing your name on the sheet of paper with a horribly scribbled "hc rugby" for the first and last time. and then you were "in", putting your trust in people you've never even met before. but it had always turned out just fine because we've always had kind hearted people, crazy people, passionate people, who had carried one another and continued on a proud tradition of this game that we've all come to love.
i'm lost for words. so, for one last time: hwa chong, whoosh!
+listening to: try by john mayer trio
Thursday, June 11
| the cure for boredom is | |
island creamery... NOT
a couple of maniacs came up with the idea of going to island creamery for a spontaneous outing at roughly 9.20 pm. and 9.30 pm i was downstairs hitching a ride. and 9.45 we were all sitting down, chilling out and having scoops of lovely ice cream. the place closes at 10 btw.
it's kinda retarded, but fun too. all the hassle just for a couple scoops of ice cream. what an excuse to hang out. haha
all thanks to the enthusiasm of peiyi and yc, they inspired me to go. i wouldn't have gone otherwise. ha
+listening to: green thumb by tommy emmanuel
Monday, June 8
| carefree days | |
awesome text message from dad: "did you call me yesterday? because my phone shows you called but i didn't receive any calls from you."
erm... it's called a missed call for a reason -_-" it's just like the other time my dad sent me another awesome message right before a game: "good luck. i'll be proud of you if you win." does that mean if i lose the opposite is true?
i love my dad's unintentional sense of humor.
today would have been an awesome day if not for the building works going on BOTH upstairs and downstairs. we're in an economic recession for pete's sake, so stop wasting money on renovating and remodeling your houses! there are people out there starving!
i'm gonna need a pair of heavy duty ear muffs soon. i guess this is how an economic stimulus plan usually works: put a substantial sum of money in the hands of certain dumbass individuals so they can squander it away while the rest of us are forced to spend out of our own pockets to offset their stupidity.
+listening to: free fallin' by john mayer
| not yet over | |
what i thought was the last holiday session turned out to be not really the last. had another one today. and i think my face might have melted a little at around 11 am.
the weather was a killer. and i was sweating buckets just standing there and ordering people around and about their drills and such. man it's hot in here. overall was somewhat satisfied with the performance, even though there were on average 1 dropped ball/pass per minute during a certain recycling drill. ghastly.
but surprisingly their switches are pretty good. i think some of them might even be able to do it better than myself i kid you not. but then again it all comes down to awareness and execution in a real game. we'll find out i guess, they seem eager to play a game.
all is not lost, there might just be hope.
signing out.
+listening to: my generation by the who
Sunday, June 7
| urgh | |
the baa baas got smashed by the bloody aussies, it was all wrong from the start, the squad selection was horrendous. for one of the biggest tests ever, how could they have gotten the squad so wrong. pffttt...
went to sentosa again yesterday. i think i've been there more often since i came back than i have been there the whole of last year. go figure.
met up with some friends over lunch and we spontaneously decided to go see the christian lacroix exhibition at the national museum. it was an interesting experience, culturally. it felt very 18th century and operatic. i guess that's the way he wanted people to feel when looking at those costumes.
+listening to: nothing
Friday, June 5
| final holiday session, sonny bill, etc. | |
final holiday session. think i've covered all that i know of and have experienced as a rugby player. peace of mind. everything else is up to them. sadly they're still not being a team, more of acting like one at the moment. but it's good to know that there's still genuine passion for the game, maybe some of them will make it. i don't know.
right. SONNY BILL WILLIAMS.
the stats speak for themselves:
- 1.95 m
- 107 kg
- 14 tries, 56 pts in 2007 NRL season.
the superhuman, the lebron james of rugby league, now plying his trade in rugby union. it's probably one of the best things to ever happen to rugby union since tana umaga converted from league. a lot of tuqiri (lote tuqiri) doesn't count, cause erm... he's from the criminal element (australia).
and come tomorrow, sonny bill will be playing 13 for the baa baas against an australian squad that would be eager to please in the opening match of their international season. and guess who's the opposite number to sonny bill? it's non other than the evil wizard stirling mortlock. now just watch as sonny bill opens a can of whoop-ass on stirlo's ass. IT WILL BE EPIC.
WALLABIES: 15 Adam Ashley-Cooper, 14 Lachie Turner, 13 Stirling Mortlock (c), 12 Berrick Barnes, 11 Drew Mitchell, 10 Matt Giteau, 9 Luke Burgess, 8 Richard Brown, 7 George Smith, 6 Matt Hodgson, 5 Nathan Sharpe, 4 James Horwill, 3 Al Baxter, 2 Stephen Moore, 1 Benn Robinson. Reserves: 16 Tatafu Polota-Nau 17 Ben Alexander, 18 Dean Mumm, 19 David Pocock, 20 Josh Valentine, 21 Quade Cooper, 22 James O'Connor.
BARBARIANS: 15 Geordan Murphy (Ireland), 14 Iain Balshaw (England), 13 Sonny Bill Williams (uncapped, NZ), 12 Seilala Mapusua (Samoa), 11 Josh Lewsey (England), 10 Luke McAlister (NZ), 9 Chris Whitaker (Australia); 8 Rocky Elsom (Australia), 7 Phil Waugh (captain, Aus), 6 Jerry Collins (NZ), 5 Paul Tito (uncapped, NZ), 4 Chris Jack (NZ), 3 BJ Botha (South Africa), 2 Sebastien Bruno (France), 1 Clarke Dermody (NZ). Reserves: 16 Schalk Brits (SA), 17 Greg Somerville (NZ), 18 Martin Corry (England), 19 Serge Betsen (France), 20 Justin Marshall (NZ), 21 Glen Jackson (uncapped, NZ), 22 Ben Blair (NZ).
+listening to: we are the champions by queen
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Thursday, June 4
| there's always thursday | |
went to watch the m1 schools series u14 tournament, and it was an eyeopening experience, especially seeing how big those 14 year olds are getting, and the level of skill and physicality involved.
particular standouts involved the battering rams from the likes of damai and green ridge, the kicker from montfort, and of course the electric acs barker number 14, who scored almost identical tries on 2 separate occasions by absolutely blistering past the opposition for three quarters of the field and also setting up the winning try for the final. absolutely amazing stuff, and it reminds me of a certain bryan habanna, or perhaps toderai chavanga. and i think i know the person responsible for this awesome phenomenon =D
saw my second movie of the week after dinner: angels and demons. it was rather long, and since i've read the book, kind of predictable too. but it was nice to get a glimpse into the vatican, somewhere which i'll probably never get a chance to set foot in, at least not any time soon.
and if you're intending to watch terminator salvation, please save yourself some dough and go to the arcade or something, or donate it to a charitable organization instead of fueling the sludge that comes out of hollywood. making terminator salvation was a bad idea from the start: it's like milking a dead cow, after you have shot it in the face and dressed it up to look like a prized stallion. not. going. to. work.
+listening to: surrounded by dream theater
Wednesday, June 3
| holiday session 2 | |
much improvement. i think it is because we started early. left the house at 9 and reached sch at 9.50. i kinda forgot how the morning traffic's like. totally ludicrous.
mostly handling drills in the morning, saw some eagerness to play the game. i think it's the awesome weather after the rain in the morning. think they liked it. passing is still f*ckin' horrible. for every instance someone drops the ball, i get a tiny heart attack. pppsh... found a new way to incorporate physical training into the "games". hooya.
video session was good. played the 2nd test lions tour 2005. they were awe struck by the amt of skill shown. this is a good starting point to get the interest of the game up. if they are still apathetic after this, they're just not lovin the game.
4v4 touch in the afternoon was much better. maybe it's the number of people, maybe the prohibition of running at the start finally made them see the benefit/importance of getting back behind the ball. much more variation, change of direction. think i finally got into their head that passing as a team can achieve what solo running does, and then some.
argh i'm tired. and kinda glad. finally something is working. sorta.
+listening to: stadium arcadium by red hot chili peppers
Monday, June 1
| holiday session 1 | |
wasn't as productive as i thought it would be. mostly attributed to the weather, partially attributed to hearts not in the right place.
kinda embarrassed myself with a show of complete lack of skills. can't throw a short ball, can't throw a cut out pass wide. it's like i'm wearing 10 on my back, except without the 0 if you know what i mean. what is wrong with me gah...
i'm tired. i'm unfit. i've lost the touch. argh.
+listening to: baby beluga by eddie vedder
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