firewall

awesome. i can't access blogger again.

i want to avoid sounding really daft and dark, but i'm not really a fan of pretense either. so bear with the emo-ness of this post. it reflects what really goes on inside. as it is, verbatim.

the excitement of going home has really worn off at break-neck speed this time. and when i woke up from the slumber of my afternoon nap, everything just felt so dull. i've lost my appetite too, which isn't really what i'd call a pleasing sign. this time is just different. there's no trace of that novelty, everything was just the way they were when i left them a year ago. i am starting to miss everyone and everything already. maybe i shouldn't have gone, then it wouldn't have hurt as much.

a song that i love says that it "makes much more sense to live in the present tense". i know it makes perfect sense, but the murmur of the heart is hard to ignore. i'm starting to question the decisions i had made in my life so far, are they the right things to do? what would have been different? maybe i'm just running away from the problems. i've always been running away from problems. redigesting past regrets, have i the belief that the path ahead ascends into the light?

this isn't supposed to happen. everything should stay the way they are, forever. i hate change. i used to be happy a year ago. i don't understand. i check my facebook every two seconds to see if someone has written something on my wall, i've been staring at the screen of my computer for hours hoping someone would come talk to me on msn.

nothing.

have i any idea how would this life end?