what do i really want

the question i ask myself time and time again. "i don't know" seems like such a cliched answer. but it is the truth. i'm still looking for that moment of absolute clarity.

+listening to: nothing

» Read the Full Post of " what do i really want "...

spending x'mas with sara

some times all you need is a beautiful voice and some soulful lyrics to take you away to that special place.




+listening to: dock of the bay by sara bareilles

» Read the Full Post of " spending x'mas with sara "...

blue

as i look back at what i've been through, what i am going through, i can't help but think maybe a white collar job isn't really for me.

i don't hate school, i've benefitted tremendously in terms of theoretical knowledge gained, life lessons learnt, and perhaps most importantly how it made me who i am. not forgetting life-long friendships forged and many memories that will always be with me in along the way, till completion.

it's just that, i don't think the school environment suits me. i like to work on my own schedule, to perfect the things i do. particularly the way i work - i like to focus on one subject matter at a time, and devote all my time and passion into doing it to the best of my abilities.

and in the past few years, my value system has been totally reshaped. i began taking on very different perspectives into the values of the work that people do, particularly those of whom commonly referred to as "blue collar". i'm not talking about the average production line worker who spends his day churning out the same product and going through the repetitive motions, but people who put their heart and soul into their craft which most likely have taken years and a whole lot of blood sweat and tears to perfect. be it farmers, mechanics, fabricators, painters or bike frame builders. people who truly love what they do and do them so well it's become almost an art form.

if i only scrape a living, at least it's a living worth scraping. and if there's no future in it, at least the present is worth remembering. i really don't know. maybe i have too much time on my hands at the moment.


+listening to: nothing

» Read the Full Post of " blue "...

all roads lead to rome

why am i so fucked up on the inside.. if i could turn myself inside out you'd see scenes of utter apocalypse. i try my best to keep it together, to have the outward appearance of total control, to remain calm. i guess it is a way to contain the chaos that is really inside. because that's the only way i know how to get by.

+listening to: riddle by dispatch

» Read the Full Post of " all roads lead to rome "...

~

looking in the mirror, staring back at me, isn't so much a face as the expression of a predicament.

+listening to: nothing

» Read the Full Post of " ~ "...

long nights

Have no fear
For when I'm alone
I'll be better off than I was before

I've got this light
I'll be around to grow
Who I was before
I cannot recall


+listening to: long nights by eddie vedder

» Read the Full Post of " long nights "...

the world on my shoulders

why does everyone seem to place upon me expectations after expectations? who i should be, what i should do. i hate expectations, because i hate to disappoint.

why can't there just be no expectations. then i'd be free to express myself, and i'd be able to give everything i have because those are my instincts. i would put forth my best foot, and i would show you the world.

expectations bring out nothing but my primal instincts for resistance. because i'm sick of conformity.

+listening to: i need a dollar by aloe blacc

» Read the Full Post of " the world on my shoulders "...

--

finals start tomorrow. i feel so screwed.
yet i cannot stop thinking.
this past week is all i can think about.

+listening to: nothing

» Read the Full Post of " -- "...