train of thoughts

scorned ashes, rising flames...
that's the title of a song once written by a good friend of mine.

jus like the title of the song, i've decided to start anew, since i lost my old blog http://vai.bo0.com i shall make this one my permanent home!

ok on with more serious thoughts. i've been thinkin a lot lately, about stuff that happened in school. about the unfairness of the IP system, about the guilt of being an IP student and spending my first 3 months in total obliviation as to what others are feeling. and more so, because on the morning of the results release i didn't feel anything, and onli after jason and meisum didn't come for class did i get hit by freight train on the head. the realization sent a chill down my spine, the complete ignorance. my senses were numbed. i've living in a bubble, safe from the outside world, safe from the harsh reality. i felt bad.

and it's like a withdrawal syndrome almost. i didn't go jts, i didn't go dramafeste, and couldn't go 黄城, i'm afraid to look into the eyes of people and see reflections of myself. i feel ugly. i wanna start anew in the new term. get rid of all the old, stale mentalities and work to prove my worth. i need to prove something, somehow. not to anyone else, but to myself. to regain my own confidence so when faced with harsher and more severe adversities, i can pick myself up and keep walking.

and i have my reservations about the class. yes everyone keeps tellling me it's an uber fun class to be in, but i jus feel that there are too many cliques. it's nice to have different and distinct personalities in class, but that creates a whole new set of problems. the guys are generally alright, united we stand. but the gals, it's a totally different world. i dunno even know who's in who's clique, but it seems that there's a million bunches all over the place and there seems to be like a silent fuede going on. we should be bonded as a class, and leave no one out, whether you are cool, or uncool, good looking or down right fugly, introvert or ultra socialble, we're still 63.

when i say i'm from 63, honestly i hardly feel anything. somehow i think it's supposed to make me feel proud, feel that extra oomph, that energy, that unitedness. although there's instances that we were united, we're still a bunch of people who hardly knows one another. we're like strangers, except we're all tagged with a number 63. that's about all that we have in common. maybe i'm exaggerating a little bit, but that's generally how i feel. i sincerely hope i'm wrong. and i'm praying really hard that i'm wrong. pls people, prove me wrong.