scorned ashes, rising flames

today was the bittersweet ending to a fairytale, no... a tale of brilliance, of failures, of hopes and banes, of disappointments and heartwarming moments, and of dreams and beliefs.

it seems like just yesterday that i was thinking about the arduous journey of the months ahead. planning, doubting my own abilities and determination, being lost and confused. looking back, it did become a monumental struggle - to be disappointed time and time again, and trying to stay positive, trying to keep my faith, hoping and believing.

people have always told me not to get my hopes up, because i will get hurt deeply if things don't turn out well. i knew that all along, but no matter how hard i tried to detach myself from the reality, i couldn't. it means too much to me, this game, this team.

i have never devoted myself in such entirety before, and i don't think there will be many more instances where i'll be doing that again. but i'm really glad that i took the road less traveled. for once i've let go of all the voices inside of my head telling me what to do and just did what i felt was the right thing. i did what i wanted to do deep down, i did what i knew i had to do.

and i can't help but think about those times when i felt so down and hopeless about the state of things that i wanted to give up. i'm glad i didn't, i'm glad that i stuck it out. seeing these boys, no, gentlemen slug it out under the glaring afternoon sun even though i was screaming at them at the top of my lungs, everything just seemed to make sense to me now.

i still remember one of my earlier remarks when i chose to embark on this journey, that when i look over my shoulder come time for me to leave, i'd see them not as individuals but as one - honestly it was merely wishful thinking, but it did happen.

and i'm thankful for that, for those magnificently painful and unforgettably saccharine memories. i feel as though i've done something that i can be truly proud of; i feel as though i've planted the seeds of passion that may one day see itself at full bloom.

the strange thing is, i think they have taught me as much as i hope i've taught them. the lessons i had in humility were staggering. it made me look down in shame, and reflect about my values and perspectives on other people. i am used to being judgmental about everything, that's until i was truly humbled by some of their words and deeds.

and now more than ever, they made me realize just how much i love my school, my alma mater. looking at them doing the whoosh seem to turn back the clock to those moments right before the matches were about to start, wearing my school crest on my chest, squeezed tightly in a huddle. these are also the same people who made me realize that if i had a chance to do it all over again, and i get to play for whichever team i want, i'd still play for hwachong, over and over again.

was it worth all the trouble? no. it's worth infinite times more, it's worth every day, every hour, every minute and every second of it. i lived for those moments.

there're things in life that one would bound to forget, but for me, this chapter of my life would always linger back there somewhere in my mind. i can't even begin to think about asking for anything more.

so this is it... scorned ashes, rising flames...

don't look down

NEVER stop believing