9.46 PM

it's T minus 19 hours 10 min from the ECE 210 midterm. progress is agonizingly slow. my understanding of the subject is minuscule at best.

the good life that i've always envisioned hasn't exactly materialized. even the happy moments, those carefree times are merely transient. pss... transient, i was thinking about differential equations there for a split moment. my life revolves around work.

learning is supposed to feel stimulating, and engaging. for me every time i walk into ECE 210 or 290 lectures, i feel like i'm drowning. thank god there's still math and physics discussion that gets me going. it's one of those rare instances where i actually feel productive, versus just being another "face" lost in the lecture hall crowd.

i desperately need some change and reprieve in my life. it's becoming a huge mess, stuck in an infinite loop, with someone hitting the giant red REPEAT button for you over and over again.


goals, life, paths. what goals, life and paths? if only i had a moment to breathe do i even dare to fathom about such ideas of grandeur.

desperate for air, lactic acid building up in my limps. popped veins, vision blurring. should i suck it in and wait for the light, should i? or take the easy way out and just let go.

someone come take me away.


+listening to: jamie's got a gun by aerosmith