moved

i don't know how to put it into words really.

Children of God. i quietly thought to myself what could possibly warrant such a title. there was no synopsis. no trailers. a simple documentary featured at the toronto reel asian film festival. i doubt that anyone's even heard of the director, seung-jun yi.

flowers in a murky river. perpetually flowing. little glimpses of the river bed. the sand, the pebbles. the camera brushes against a free diver. no, it was a child. it all seemed so jovial. one can't help but feel the sense of serenity.

but what lay ahead was anything but serene - a dark and moody peer into the meandering story of life and death.

the nepalese hindus believe that heaven lies at the end of the bagmati river. and the river gathers the souls of those cremated at its steps at the pashupatinath temple in kathmandu. for the deceased it may be the gateway to their journey in the after-life, but for some of the living, it is the only reason they're still alive.

the life story is about 12 year old alesh poudel. for him and his family, home is the temple. the deceased provide a means of survival. fishing for coins from the river with magnets and scavenging everything from gold fillings to offerings to the gods, that was the way they got by. hanging on to life by the skin of their teeth.

one quote especially struck a chord that deeply resonated within me. it was like one of those minor 7th chords with an added 13th. it aches the heart.

it says "i'm 12 and will die at 13... just because... because i just want to die."

i couldn't help but feel a little estranged. for someone so young to say something like that. the loss of innocense and the profound sadness...

the imagery, the music, the words. they all come together with the river forming an inseparable backdrop. the tapestry of life. and those unnamed ones. those of whom the world passed by without taking a second look.

what is the reason? why are we here? and why are there those who suffer in silence.

+listening to: nothing