the cycle

the cycle unfortunately always comes around on itself. what was meant to be a victory somewhat has turned into yet another mishap in a series of tragedies. catastrophe some might even say. i'm too tired to be angry at myself. i've been awake for the last 18 hours. i gave it my best shot. but my best shot came up short yet again.

it's just starting to sink in. the hurt. i remembered how it felt. that's why i did all i can not to feel it again. the initial excitement of completing it is all but gone. sigh.

but today was not a complete waste. i got a reply on facebook. i'm relieved that my words did what it was intended and lifted up a person's spirit. maybe i have a gift with words. but then again it's a double edged sword. more often than not those rationalities hurt myself even more.

i don't like being down. i try to be positive. but most of the time i'm a man of circumstances. nevertheless a very good friend once told me to "stay strong". just those two austere, unpretentious syllables. stay strong. and so i continue to struggle because i need to stay strong. and i smile in the face of uncertainty because i have to stay strong.

 
+listening to: nothing