first five-eighth

just found out that the six nations are starting this weekend. it seems like a long time since i thought or wrote about rugby. i'd forgotten how much i loved the game. how much i missed it.

i've been trying to find a way out, out of this present predicament i'm in. and i've been constantly questioning myself if i had what it takes. and then i forgot all those valuable lessons that i had learned, in those memorable 2 years and those unforgettable 7 months.


and then i realized that this had all along been a familiar situation, except this time i'm on a one-man team. nevertheless the goal remains the same: set out to win every game out there even though there's absolutely no chance of winning.

i'm scared. i'm always scared. i guess it is my way of telling myself that something is still on my mind. the moment i stopped being scared would be the instant that i decide to let go. i forgot how i managed those fears. i forgot how i shut them out and just focused.

it doesn't make sense that i'm always losing. but i've since learned that there's no shame in losing. what would be a shame is losing without giving fear a run for its money. i am the first five-eighth of my team. have been and always will be. like the charge of the light brigade into the valley of death i will follow my lead. to face myself.

can you see me now? i am myself.

rugby is a beautiful game wouldn't you say? in so many ways it mirrors this curious life we're in.


+listening to: typical situation by dave matthews band