#453

so i gave in to temptation because i really really wanted to watch kick ass. took a bus to the cinema, and then took a bus back. though i did feel kinda extra, the way that i just sort of tagged along for the movie, because i've always been taught never to show up uninvited. that's just the way i am brought up. people may not understand, but it's okay. a lot of times i feel like a one man island, because i don't think there's anyone out there who gets it, completely.

and i also refused a ride home from a friend's friend, because other than showing up unannounced in the first place, i don't want it to seem like i want to be friends just because you have a car or something else that would benefit me in some way. i want to be friends because i truly value your friendship. i want to be friends because it would mean a lot to me to be your friend. that's also partially the reason why i choose to always ride my bike. because i hate asking people for rides. maybe nobody would ever understand me, but that's perfectly okay too. i just don't believe in compromising character. i won't say if it is right or wrong, people can make their judgments. i just believe in always staying true to myself and being genuine. and maybe hoping to feel those rare moments of sincerity and kindness peering back at me. i am a person who NEEDS to sense that camaraderie in a world around me that's filled with friends with benefits, materialism/consumerism, hypocrisy, etc. etc. the human connection in the most basic sense is what keeps me going.

i said before that i would ride to the cinema, but after 50 miles or so in the morning i'm kinda saddle sore. my legs are fine but sitting on the saddle for another hour would be really uncomfortable to say the least. well there's always next time.

riding fixed gear is not just a fashion or a trend. it's not about the rolled up jeans, or cut off shorts. or the janitor keychain thing, or the mini ulock in the back pocket. it's about not buying upgrades, but riding up grades. it's about walking in the shoes of the countless many hinault's, coppi's, indurain's, merckx's and the constant pedaling, not stopping, knowing you have to go through the next intersection, and the one after that. it's also about appreciation of beauty, knowing the difference between braze-ons and lugs. i'd like to think it's pure, i'd like to think i'm a purist in many ways. but maybe i'm just idealizing things.

i've always aspired to ride like emi from mash. but then again, no one rides like emi, no one even comes close:






+listening to: i'm your captain by grand funk railroad