toast

another saturday night spent wondering about the twists and turns in this journey, looking for an escape. the mirror in my room affords little comfort - a gentle reminder that what's staring back will always be the expression of a predicament.

so i watched toast, to stop myself from thinking. biographical type of films always bring back early childhood memories that were buried deep within the crevices of my head, unexpected recollections that often surprise me. the theme of family plays strong, and it made me think about mine. i'm afraid that is one facet i'll come to regret years later. maybe it's my general inability to maintain any sort of relationships with other people. i feel safer being withdrawn, i prefer writing to speaking. and 20 or so years later, i'm still trying to overcome that fear. i don't even know where it's coming from.

morning passed in a blur browsing through accounts and images of the christchurch earthquake, and feeling a general sense of dismay. the mood of the day has been set, and just like the weather, it's in a shade of grey. somber and restrained.

so i'm back right where i started, with a million things on my mind.


+listening to: trainman by coyote grace