the way i get by

it's been almost a week since i last felt any semblance of normality. "normal" has always been such an aloof concept to me.

when you don't hear from me i wasn't hiding - i was weeping; when you don't see me i wasn't sleeping - i was reading. thankfully there is still adele and amos when i needed some soothing vibrations to break up the monotony of the silence, and then there's isherwood when i longed to feel like i at least belong in a story somewhere. how could he have known what i was going to go through before i was even born? it's frightening to think that character and reality can converge in such a striking manner.

there's work left undone, messages sent and not replied, phone calls ignored. and in the most ironic of circumstances being brushed off from a conversation, one which i was never looking to have in the first place. it's all a huge mess.

at the same time it's comforting to think that there are still people who cared to read this bunch of depressing crap. my sincerest apologies. just know that everything is not going ok and that i am struggling with myself. i'll just have to live with it. that's the way i get by.

+listening to: someone like you by adele