+listening to: amazon love by johnny flynn
Friday, March 11
Monday, March 7
| doh |  |
while finishing a research report, i had a sudden realization: a lot of stuff i'm doing over the semester and am going to be doing over the summer seems to be either talking about the same things or are related to very similar topics.
whether consciously or subconsciously, i seem to be thinking about the same subject and it's like everything is coming together and letting me see the big picture in a strange and calming way. hope this thing can lead me somewhere. fingers crossed.
+listening to: nothing
Saturday, March 5
| courage | |
when the lights die down and the music gets more soothing, i start seeing things in a different light. sometimes courage is not about grand gestures or heroic acts, courage can come from standing up to your demons, or having a crack at something in the face of rejection.
i admire courage and courageous people. they shed precious light onto my own paths, the demons i'm battling with and they give me hope.
thank you.
+listening to: keep it loose, keep it tight by amos lee
Monday, February 28
Sunday, February 27
| toast | |
another saturday night spent wondering about the twists and turns in this journey, looking for an escape. the mirror in my room affords little comfort - a gentle reminder that what's staring back will always be the expression of a predicament.
so i watched toast, to stop myself from thinking. biographical type of films always bring back early childhood memories that were buried deep within the crevices of my head, unexpected recollections that often surprise me. the theme of family plays strong, and it made me think about mine. i'm afraid that is one facet i'll come to regret years later. maybe it's my general inability to maintain any sort of relationships with other people. i feel safer being withdrawn, i prefer writing to speaking. and 20 or so years later, i'm still trying to overcome that fear. i don't even know where it's coming from.
morning passed in a blur browsing through accounts and images of the christchurch earthquake, and feeling a general sense of dismay. the mood of the day has been set, and just like the weather, it's in a shade of grey. somber and restrained.
so i'm back right where i started, with a million things on my mind.
+listening to: trainman by coyote grace
Friday, February 25
| check it | |
my little dabble into content publishing, all original photos and writing.
if you'd like to read the entire article, go to here:
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/21171892/neutral_cycle.pdf
+listening to: nothing
Sunday, February 20
| 憧憬 | |
不知为什么，最近的路走得很不顺畅。不是自己疏忽惹来的遭难，就是他人的大意而造成的不幸。风吹浪起，随波浮沉，我内心一直不能平静。周六晚，独自一人在家难免一丝寂寞。这种寂寞不是向往与他人相处的寂寞，而是面对未知和无奈而产生的一种情感。整个屋子一声动静也没有，只听到厨房的水龙头偶尔的喧哗：“嗒，嗒，嗒”。我尝试着咬牙继续在键盘上敲打，可是我显然知道屏幕上显示出来的终究将是一堆废话。父亲发来的邮件，孤单的被我遗弃在邮箱里。我没有勇气把它打开，因为我不想流泪，不想自疚。所以我选择了沉默，可沉默并且只是一种临时的解脱。
内心的波折无法平静，我又再一次回顾了我最喜欢的电影之一，带我去远方。大家都有对于未来的憧憬，而我似乎从来都没有想过。我从来都没有潜藏过什么对生活的完美理念，只求个人的自由和一种根本上朴实，平平凡凡的一生。我不向往奢华，也不求任何惊喜，因为生命中的很多被众人所忽略的小节足以让我惊讶不已。就好像电影中所说的那个南太平洋上的色盲岛，可能这个世界上会有那样的一个地方，会给我带来无限的欣慰。
从小到大，我好像从来都没有一种家的感觉。对我来说家就是下一个要搬去的目的地。所以我一直都对着自己保留着一个秘密：那就是将来的一天我会离开这里，到一个不会感到寂寞，也不会被人当作异类的自由天堂。可事到如今，我也不确定了。至此，我只能这样走下去了，不知走向何方。我只知道我要去的方向就是最远的那个方向，哪怕山穷水尽，哪怕前路迷茫。
+listening to: nothing
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