picture of the day

ouch.



+listening to: dreaming tree by dave matthews band

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3 am

insomnia. a million things on my mind.

i've been high and i've been down. my head in the clouds and my hands in the ground.

vulnerable. lost. this losing feels like dying.

dark and twisted. go away. shine on me, where's the day break.


+listening to: #27 by dave matthews band

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thank you

really appreciate the sweet gesture. the birthday dinner was great. thank you.

don't get me wrong. i'm grateful. but i'm numb. so much sorrow, and unhappiness that kept pouring in. when would it stop? i'd hate to admit it but i'm depressed.

a week has gone by. i am still clueless. where do i belong?


+listening to: nothing

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the gaze

it's funny the way it is.

looking around me, people look at you and they see where you come from. that gaze, it's unmistakable.

the only thing important to me? it's where someone is going.


+listening to: wounded heart by bonnie raitt

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granny

i will always miss you.


+listening to: where are you going by dave matthews band

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don't

i don't get upset all the time. but sometimes when i get made fun of, it triggers these flashes, of unpleasant memories that i had burried at the back of my head that i'd rather forget forever.

but i can't. it's scar tissue. i can't forget. so don't...

i don't understand why it is funny to make fun of people's nationality.

'chinaman' was term often used against the chinese and other asians as they encountered increased discrimination and injustice in the late 19th and early 20th centuries.

i am a chinaman. i am proud of it. so i really don't understand how is that supposed to be an insult?

and you wanna know why i don't like speaking chinese? i'll tell you why. i speak perfect chinese. i speak better chinese than most people who dare to call themselves "chinese". when i first got to singapore i spoke not a word of english. if people wanted to make fun of me they'd speak in english because i wouldn't understand a word they said. so i made sure i learnt it well, i learnt every single damn thing so i'd understand whatever they said.

so no, you're not worthy for me to speak in chinese to. that's why i don't speak chinese.


+listening to: grace is gone by dave matthews band

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letters from home

whenever i read dad's emails,
even though it's usually filled with words of concern and joyous greetings,
it makes me really sad.

i don't know why.


+listening to: i'll back you up by dave matthews band

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my apologies

dear reindeer,

i'm afraid i can't go see you tomorrow. there's 3 exams coming up next week.

hopefully i'll get to see you next year.



+listening to: nothing

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