the hard life

5 days to the blocks... oh well there's the obstacles in life that we have to overcome. this holiday is about the most boring holiday i've ever had. and honestly speaking i've never really studied hard this whole time. i can't force myself to study, even if i sit at a desk for hours, i'd be jus wasting time and my mind would inevitably wonder elsewhere...

i'm in dire need of freedom, but at the present i'm not having any of it. lucky me there's still the world cup that keeps my spirits alive, but i'm kinda worried as to how i would make it thru the june holidays next year alive though.

right now there's this huge gang bang going on outside my place jus downstairs on the field, some sort of soccer tornaments. there's like a million kids, well not exactly, more like youths jus playing their ass off, and in the process making a lot of noise. i can't really focus, guess i'll jus have to wait till after dinner, where i have some quiet time to really site down and do some work.

time is running out and my mind is still a blank slate, i'm really scared this time, scared of failure. i hate failures, it makes me feel inferior. i haven't really felt inferior in a long time, i guess i'll jus have to deal with it. i really wanna get out, to go experience the world, but i sort of know that i have to conquer myself first, that is true character - the mark of a man.

seize the day i heard him say, life won't always be this way. look around, hear the sounds, cherish your life while you're still around... carpe diem