The good, the bad and the ugly

sometimes i wonder why i do the things that i chose to do, why i put in the effort and give my 110%, why i keep hoping, why i keep driving myself, why i keep giving, why i keep getting disappointed, why i keep getting bruised, why i keep feeling down, why i feel unappreciated, why i get a sense of helplessness, why i get betrayed and yet still i keep the faith.

maybe because they don't see eye to eye with me. maybe to them it's something trivial, maybe it's because of the circumstances that dictate the situation, maybe there just isn't that hunger, that thirst to do something. maybe i'm over-reacting, maybe i don't command their respect, maybe i'm not good enough, maybe i should give up.

even though i tell myself it's nobody's fault, deep down inside i'm full of hate. i hate the bureaucratic hypocrites and their apathetic attitude. i hate those who don't seem to give a shit. i hate those who mouth us off and yet are blinded by their own ignorance. i hate the condescending attitude shown towards us when we have given it everything we have got and then some more. i hate it that others who are not our own show us more respect than those we call "our own". i hate the silence every time we stumble, and even more on those rare occasions that we overcome all else for that briefest moment of triumph. and i hate myself for not being able to make things better for those to come.

but above all else i have no regrets for what i have done, not a single one of my decisions, not a single drop of blood, sweat or tears, not a single inch gained or lost, not a single point dropped or earned, not a single jammed finger or busted ankle and not a single moment just being there with my own band of brothers.

so i pray that people can just see past the differences and distractions and focus on the prize, i pray that when i leave and look over my shoulders i see them not as individuals but as one, i pray that things will take a turn for the better. i pray that everyone realises how special each and everyone of them is.

i'm living on a prayer...