i'm staring out of the giant windows at the library at the engineering quad, and there're three ducks out there just waddling around, doing their thing, completely oblivious to the myriad of humans walking by. yea ducks.
not the domesticated, flightless kind, but the wild variety, you know, those flocks of birds that love to form shapes in the sky.
here's a picture of a mallard duck. yea mallard, the same exact word that the engineering department decided to adopt for the much dreaded electronic homework system. how cute.
yea, actually come to think of it. mallard on the engineering quad, what irony.
+listening to: i'm like a bird by nelly furtado
Thursday, February 26
| what the duck? |  |
Thursday, February 19
| another brick in the wall | |
i think this is it. the first rock bottom since the beginning of this eventful journey.
i feel defeated, depleted, shocked, angry. and it's all my fault. somehow i saw this coming, yet chose to ignore the signs, thus i bear the consequences.
what's my peers going to think? i don't know. i'm too tired to care. is there still chance to make up for it? i don't know. maybe i should just let it go. i don't know.
may be it's an indicator, that i'm not working enough, and the only way to find out, is to give it a go because when you're at the very bottom, there's only one way left to go.
+listening to: ...
Wednesday, February 18
| 9.46 PM | |
it's T minus 19 hours 10 min from the ECE 210 midterm. progress is agonizingly slow. my understanding of the subject is minuscule at best.
the good life that i've always envisioned hasn't exactly materialized. even the happy moments, those carefree times are merely transient. pss... transient, i was thinking about differential equations there for a split moment. my life revolves around work.
learning is supposed to feel stimulating, and engaging. for me every time i walk into ECE 210 or 290 lectures, i feel like i'm drowning. thank god there's still math and physics discussion that gets me going. it's one of those rare instances where i actually feel productive, versus just being another "face" lost in the lecture hall crowd.
i desperately need some change and reprieve in my life. it's becoming a huge mess, stuck in an infinite loop, with someone hitting the giant red REPEAT button for you over and over again.
goals, life, paths. what goals, life and paths? if only i had a moment to breathe do i even dare to fathom about such ideas of grandeur.
desperate for air, lactic acid building up in my limps. popped veins, vision blurring. should i suck it in and wait for the light, should i? or take the easy way out and just let go.
someone come take me away.
+listening to: jamie's got a gun by aerosmith
Wednesday, February 11
Tuesday, February 3
| disaster | |
i haven't been writing lately because it's been a really bad stretch for me. it's like karma's telling me to do more good things so bad things won't happen to me as much.
last week i lost my phone while i was sledding. while the sledding was super fun and an utterly enjoyable experience, looking for my phone in ankle deep snow at 9 pm at night with no light is not so much. and as if losing the phone wasn't bad luck enough, it had to be one of the very few times that i actually put my phone on silent mode because there was a quiz in the morning.
it's incredibly frustrating to call your phone and hear that it's ringing, yet you can't hear it physically "ringing". so there i was, looking like a complete fool. finally after a while my phone died, i guess because of the extreme cold? so i gave up. i reckon the phone would probably have stopped working even if i found it.
and there was a whole bunch of other stupid little things that just proved that last week wasn't my week at all. hopefully the official new year's dinner last saturday has cleansed me of all the bad luck and finally bring some good karma into the mix. i really need it.
3 assignments due tomorrow, classes ends at 9pm today and i haven't even started on any of them. raaarrrrhh
+listening to: silence
Tuesday, January 27
Sunday, January 18
| back in town | |
finally after much journeying and the dreadful bus ride from chicago to champaign, i'm "home"! unpacked all the luggage and goodies that i have picked up along the way, mostly gifts from other people. feel kinda guilty. why is everyone so nice to me?
the flight from boston to chicago in the morning was nothing short of delightful. for a plane with a capacity of 100+ passengers, the manifest totalled 15. so everyone literally had their own aisle, and the stewardesses didn't even bother serving us with the cart. it was all personalized, they took your order brought it to you individually. and the plane felt so light and agile, and it was about 9 am when i flew into chicago and it was bright and sunny. the view was SPECTACULAR from the air. the endless blocks of houses and buildings, the downtown skyscrapers, and the frosted lake michigan. i held my breath.
a new beginning. the sky is the limit.
+listening to: last train out by blues saraceno
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